White Trash Wednesday | MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

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White Trash Wednesday (a bit early)

It’s been a while since a White Trash Wednesday post went up, so let’s revive the tradition for a moment. Meet Bryan and Tina Vannoy!

Yes, today’s winner of White Trash Wednesday wanted to go out drinking. BUT there’s a problem. You see, they are the proud parents of a doomed four month old girl. No problem. They call for a babysitter. Oh no! There aren’t any! So what to do? I can only imagine the conversation went this way:

“Honey, we don’t have a babysitter. So we can sit here and get drunk at our home OR we can wait until she’s asleep and go to the bar anyway”
“What if she wakes up and no one’s here?”
“How dare you think I’d endanger my child by leaving her here. She’s coming to the bar with us! We’ll park by a window so we can look out at her. She won’t be in any danger and we won’t be leaving her!”
“That’s why I married you dear. Yer so smart! Well that and your daddy said he’d shoot my ass if I didn’t marry you when we knocked you up”
“Oh, sweetie, you say the nicest things. I’ll tell you what, let’s get dressed up in our best. I’ll wear my Dairy Queen shirt and you put on the Skynard shirt.”

So they get to the bar and proceed to get tanked. Meanwhile the bartender is alerted to the situation and calls the cops who, for some reason, don’t think that the back seat of a BMW is the best baby sitter for a four month old girl. How 90’s of them. The Vannoy’s are arrested and sent to jail. The baby is in Child Protective Services which means she’s in just as much danger as she was going to be with a drunk parent driving her home, but hey, lesser of 2 evils I guess.

So Bryan and Tina, here’s to you. The winners of this week’s White Trash Wednesday! Enjoy!

Fun with Mug Shots! A special Sunday Edition of White Trash Wednesday

Ok, I’m still way burnt out on the serious political stuff. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was never that good with the political. I tried. Anyway, today, we are going to have a SPECIAL EDITION of White Trash Wednesday! I give you White Trash Wednesday, Special Sunday Edition: Fun with mug shots! We will cruise the Gaston Gazette and look at the mug shots from the weekend.

Here in North Carolina, we have our share of major rednecks. You can just hear the country music and the yeehaws. “here’s Uncle Joe, he’s moving kind of slow at the Junction”

Do the Palin glasses make me look smart too?

Now we also have our really cute ladies with the temper. These two hotties are charged with assault. Let’s get them a boxing ring with some mud and sell tickets!

Now this one in the red tank had a great weekend. On Friday, she assaulted someone and on Saturday she got drunk and started running around the neighborhood and was arrested again for drunk and disorderly. Sister, I want to party with you! Hey! She could take on the winner of the other 2 girls!

So, when you get arrested and you have no shirt, or are in PJ’s, it’s a 99% certainty that you’re a wife beater. Here are 3 of those “oh so tough they have to hit a woman to prove it” men:

This loser is actually a career actor. He’s always plays a townfolk in any western/redneck/mountain movie.

Yes, this dude in the hospital gown was charged with assault on a female.

Just look at the moustache. Is there any question of his charge? Or it’s accuracy? L-O-S-E-R!

Ok, so let’s go to the DWI winners and caption these mugs!

“Quick, take the wheel. I have a DWI already. They won’t arrest you! I’m going to kick his ass when I get out of here…”

Please let me go. PLEASE! I’ll do anything…

“I’m not drunk officer, I’m high. Oh, man, I’m so high. Wow, a unicorn!”

“Honey, the funniest thing happened to me on the way home from the bar!”

“Oh, Hi daddy! I’m going to need some money. And a lawyer too…”

“If I show them my boobs, will they let me go? I think I’ll just lean into the camera a bit. Can’t hurt!”

These three kings of Orient are arrested for…

If you said assault on a female, you’d be correct! Remember, shirtless means beater.

This next pair is in the category of “your family tree is a stump”. Yes, these next 2 are brothers, as if you couldn’t tell, and were arrested for drugs (gosh, no, really? Shocking!). Their names are Dustin and Justin. I guess like these two, their mom and dad weren’t too bright either. I think Thing 1 and Thing 2 would have been better.

Ok, this one was charged with “forced rape”. No comment.

These two were charged with prostitution and soliciting. I guess there’s a Viagra commercial there somewhere! “After I take Viagra, I am so ready, I offer money to every woman I see!!”

Here in North Carolina, we get our share of stars. Here’s Gary Bussey’s twin brother!

And finally, the winner of tonights white trash Wednesday, Sunday edition, this woman was charged with 10 different crimes. DWI, Posession, etc. The last one was public nudity when she did a strip for the officers before her mug shot, hoping that the entertainment would get them to let her go. As you can see by her expression the answer was “No dice”. Dang, she usually gets at least 20 for the lap dances and this one will have to be for free. However, all is not lost, the nudity charge was dropped when the DA said that the jail photo room was not public and therefore it had to be tossed.

So that completes this edition of white trash Wednesday, Sunday Special: fun with mug shots. I hope you enjoyed it. Here’s hoping we don’t find your picture here, or yes, it will get posted!

Tennessee wedding photos

And they’re real.

Check them out.

Bumpernuts

Will someone please explain to me why anyone would need this dangling from his or her bumper?

Maybe a woman would want it to serve as a warning? Or to display it like a “scalp?”

Yes, I still can post here

Just trying to classy up the place a bit. That should do it.

(I’m pretty sure this is a repost, but what the heck?)

Oh, and there’s this. I’m just sayin’.

White Trash Wednesday: Kid Rock does the news

I forgot about this (I meant to post it last week or something), but Phin jogged my memory today with this at Agent Bedhead.

Cotillion classes my ass, pal. :mrgreen:

Go Against The Grain Until The End

My latest.

WTW WTF!!!

HAY YA;LL’S!!!! I NO IT AINT WENSDAY NO MORE BUTT DAM I JUST GOT IN FROM MY NU JOB DANCIN!!!

HAY I JUST WANNA SAY I WANT’S ME A SALLAMI SAMMICH BUTT I AINT WANT NO DIPERHEAD SALLAMI SALLAMI!!! WARE’S THAT GOOD OLE PIRATTE MAN NE-WAYZ??? AND NE-WAYZ I NO ALLA BOUT TORCHER CUZ I GOT’S ME A TORCHER RITE ON MY FRONT PORCHER AT MY TRAILOR IT KEEP’S THEM SKEETERS AWAYS. SO THAIR. SO I AINT NO’IN WHY SOME SALAMY SALAMMI MAN IS TALKIN BOUT TORCHERS!????!

OH YAH AND I HAD 2 STOP IN AND SAY HAY CUZ I SEE MISS BETH THAT BITCH SHE DONE GOT WIF THE PROGGRAM ON THAT CREEPEY MR ROGERS JUST LIKE I DONE WAY BACK WHEN!!! LOLL!!!! AND I SEE MR ROGERS HE IS STILL A FAT BIATCH AND NEED A GODAMM JENNY CREG MAKE-OVOR!!!! LOLL!!! AND A HARE CLUB FOR MEN MAKE OVOR TO!!!! HAAAAAAAAAA!!!1

HAY MEBBE MR ROGERS NEED’S SOME SALLAMMI CUZ HE CAINT FIND NONE UNDER ALLA THEM ROLL’S! GIT IT? LOLL!!!

STANKY BIATCH!!!!

LOVE
BEULAH MAE!!!!!!!

(DID YA’LLS MISS ME???)

Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose

Slick Willie is just pure class.

“I met Bill Clinton once but he didn’t really talk — he was hitting on my wife,” Kutcher told Leno.

What a delight. And kudos to Ashton Kutcher for saying as much. Maybe Demi is a conservative, maybe Kutcher too.

Kutcher said although the three were all sat at a table next to each other he felt like “the invisible man”.

I heard y’all could audition this shi’ite for free!

DON’T TELL TOM CRUISE!!!

WTW PSA

Today’s public service announcement, courtesy of the inimitable Betty Butterfield!

Thank you, Miss Betty! xoxoxo!

White Trash Wednesday… in Paris!

[White Trash Wednesday]

Oh, how the mighty have fallen…

After a video surfaced of Paris Hilton snubbing Tara Reid because Tara couldn’t get into Hyde in Los Angeles last week, we now have pictures of Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis being denied entrace to Bungalow 8 in New York after the MTV VMA’s. That’s karma for you.

Sorry, baby, we don’t let the riff-raff in this club. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Awww, poor Paris. * snort *

Found that via some irate commenters at Perez Hilton’s–in a wickedly awful (but funny!) Lindsay Lohan “firecrotch” (NSFW) post. (Talk about White Trash Wednesday, with that chick!)

Maybe Perez Hilton isn’t “fair and balanced” (get a load of the pissed-off commenters! wtf!), but me? I’m an equal-opportunity celebritard basher. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, the Twin Goddesses of White Trash Wednesday.

[This WTW post is dedicated to idiotarian commenter "Shy Princess."]

White Trash Wednesday: Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton

White Trash Wednesday

Jesus, this chick is frightening.

Somebody feed the girl a Big Mac or five. She’s going to end up dead if she keeps losing weight.
:shock:

Oh wait, here she is having some pizza. I’m guessing that’s this week’s meal?

Nicole, dear; I know you want to be thin. That’s fine, but you are sick. And no, little girl, nobody’s telling you this because they are jealous–I know some people do that, but you’re past the level of thinness where anyone would be “jealous.” You looked fine here, but now, it’s just sad.

In related news, Nicole’s ex-friend Paris Hilton, White Trash Princess:

PARIS Hilton plans to go without sex for A YEAR as part of a “no-bonking” pact with pals.

The blonde heiress has formed a “single girls club” with friends including tennis champ Serena Williams, 24.

The bet is to see who can last the longest without sex as they put their work first.

Singer and actress Paris, 25, who claims to have slept with just two men, said: “I’m not doing it with anyone. I want to concentrate on work. I’ll kiss, but nothing else.”

BWAHAHAHAHAA!!! Puhleeeze, if she’s saying “just two men,” which sounds like total bullshi’ite, who’s gonna believe she’s going to do without for a year? Obviously nobody knows if that’s true or not except Paris, but come on. “Just two,” and she has to have a contest to see who can go without the longest? That’s what’s funny about the pathologically stupid; they don’t have a clue what it’s like to have enough brains to see how stupid people like her are.

Gawd, celebrities make me cringe.

WTW: OMIGALL YA’LL

White Trash Wednesday

BEULAH MAE!!! HAAAYYY YA’LL’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NO YA’LLL’S BEN MISSIN’ ME AND ALL!!!! I BEN BIZZY IN DA HIZZY WHAT KIN I SAY YALL!!

BUTT MANELY IM HEAR TO TELL YALL’S ABOUT THIS NU CHICK IN TH TRAILOR PARK HUR NAME IS FOXXXY SHE THANK SHE GONNA MOVE IN ON MY TARITOREY WITH THE MENS THAT LIVE HEAR!!!! C I NO HER CUZ WE WUZ AT AUBURN 2GETHOR AND SHE DONE TRY’D TO STEEL MY BOY FIEREND’S ALLA THA DADGUM TIME!!!! SADIE LOU AND RAY DAWN YA’LL’S BETTOR WATCH OUT FER THIS WON!!! AND NO I AINT LETTIN U BORRY MY HOT ROLLOR’S CUZ MY GURL SADIEE LOU DONE BORRY’D THEM AND AINT GIVE ‘EM BACK EVEN YET!!!! BUTT SINCE IM A HAIR DRESSOR I GIT’S 2 USE THEM WON’S AT WORK BUTT THAT AINT NO X-QSE!

BUTT HAY FOXXXY U AINT ALL THAT EVERY 1 NO’S IM THE FOXXXXEEST GURL IN THE TRAILOR PARK AND AT ABURUN AND ILL KICK UR BONEY LIL ASS IF U TRY NE-THANG WITH MY MAN’S!!! AND I ALLAYS NO WAHT 2 TALK ABOUT FOXXXY U JUST STICK 2 UR OWN NU BOYFRIEND’S AND WI’LL BE KOOL AIGHT?!!

HAY LOOKY YA’LLS I DONE FINDED FOXXXY’S NU BOYFIREND ON THE NUZ!!!!

White Trash Wednesday: The World Cup

White Trash Wednesday

Sorry, y’all–BEULAH MAE!!! is suffering blog burnout, but she’ll be back eventually. So in lieu of BEULAH MAE!!! today, I give you: ~~Vinnie and Preston~~ Jackie and Dunlap, on The World Cup. Or as I prefer to call it, The World Crap. (OK, I’m glad Italy beat * spit * Fwance * spit *, but really, I don’t give a shi’ite about soccer.)

And for any Cluetards out there: these guys are not “white trash.” They’re rednecks. Good ol’ boys. OK, maybe Jackie is sorta WT, with the godawful overalls & shi’ite. :mrgreen:

Thanks to the closeted White Trash Princess Cassandra for the video link! (”Denial” ain’t just BEULAH MAE’s ex-cousin-in-law’s name, Cassandra…)

Now go see some of the other trashy folks from the from the trailer park:

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