Paris | MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Archive for the 'Paris' Category

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Why is Everybody So Mean to Me

Beth!!! I just had to like come by for a minute because you are like my newest BFFAE (that’s forever And Ever - I made that up myself!). I’m getting a manicure and pedicure cause I have to like go to some parties tonite but I need to talk to you a minute cause I’m really really really really really REALLY upset. :heartbk:

Did you no that Nicole only did like 82 minutes in jail??? That’s like an hour and … lets see, an hour is like 50 minutes then you add whats after 50 so that would be … well, its less then like 2 hours! Nicole and me are BFF again but it still like hurt my feelings. Especially after I spent like $10,532.56 on baby gifts for her. I was going to like meet her outside when she got out of jail and have my people like present her with gifts. That would have been such a great photo op but she got out so quick I didn’t have time to like get over there. Its just not FAIR!

Then I find out that Linds is like pleading out and getting only like a few days in jail! I learned pleading out while I was like in the joint. I spent like 45 days in and couldn’t even get out when I told them I was like crazy! Its just not fair! :sob:

Mommy and daddy said it wasn’t fair and that I am a really a like nice person even though like everybody is really really really REALLY mean to me. They just don’t like know me. You can ask any of my friends I have like right now. Don’t ask my ex-friends cause they like lie. But my new friends all love me and I give them like lots of stuff.

Oh wait, :timeout: the Vietnamese girl doing my nails messed up. My manicurists wanted the night off. GAW!!!! Like how hard is it to be here when I like need my nails done!!! His wife’s having a baby or something and like THAT is supposed to leave my nails like RAGGED.

Ok, she fixed it so I was like telling mommy and daddy about how awful all this is and they said that they are just newvo reeche (that means they haven’t had like money for long you know like white trash with money like your friend ro, I don’t mean to like offend. Its just the like truth.). Then she said don’t worry because she will make sure that whoever runs against the judge that put me in jail wins in the next election. No. Matter. What.

GAAAAWWWWWW. Don’t ever let your manicurist take the day off when you have to go to 3 parties! This Vietnamese girl said she’s going to have to charge me like extra cause my feet are so big! I told her I was going to take my big foot and cram it up her minature ass.

Anyways, like I said, I’m really really really a nice person and no body seems to realize that. I love everybody and give them lots of stuff. Love flows from my like heart to the people who are around me and everybody who knows like me know it.

Okay, I feel like a LOT better now that I talked to you. You are going to be my BFFAE for a long long LONG time! I can tell cause you are like a really really REALLY good listener and I feel like so much better when I tell you about my troubles. Oh. And I’m going to invite Linds over for a party as soon as she’s out of rehab and I might even let her drive my benz, not my rolls though. One more time ought to like do it if you know what I mean! NO! I’m kidding, I wouldn’t like do THAT! Probably. Maybe. Giving her a party is the right thing to do and I’ll invite Amy and tell Amy to keep her from drinking or whatever they like you know DO!

All dry now. Gotta go and get this minature manicurist outta my house! I don’t have anything else on my mind so I’m going to like party.

XOXOXOXOXOXO
paris
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A Self-Portrait for My New BFF!

HAAAYYYYY!!!!! I just like had to come buy and say HHHHIIIII to my new BFF cause she gave me her super sekret code so I could write stuff here when I have a minute between parties and stuff. I’m righting this rite now cause I just left a party that was like SOOO boring but they were like paying me to be there so they could get people to come to the party so I had to like stay for like two hours to be polite if you know what I mean. I did make the party more fun thats for sure cause I’m hot.

Current mood: EXCITED!!!! :wave:

The paparassee is following my rolls while I’m righting this cause they really really love me. BTW, I look fabulous tonite and I’m wearing a hot tiny gold dress from my own clothing line. I told you about my clothing line didn’t I? You can wear Paris! That’s SO hot!

Oh, I wanted to tell you that I can be hear like A LOT now that I have the super sekret code. That’s so HOT! I’m really like so glad that Beth gets to be my new BFF cause I red some of her blog and shes like really really smart and mommy and daddy said I needed to improve my image and find some new best friends that are more like us. I had one of my people call Ange’s people cause I thought she was kind of smart and daddy said that would be a place to start. She goes to a lot of really hot places and like gets kids and stuff. That’s her thing. I have a bunch of little bitty doggies so I thought we had a lot in common and stuff. I had my best assistant call her assistant cause I wanted her to know that I really meant I wanted to be new BFF and she said she was in Zeembarbway. I told my person to call her person again and tell her I could go to Zembarbuawy but the last time I was in China it was really really hard to get like even a hamburger and there wasn’t any ~~paparassee~~ ~~parporazi~~ picture takers following me. It was really really boring and I don’t like Chinese food that much so I think I’ll wait till she gets somewhere that’s not in China. Like somewhere with beeches and good food. I look a lot better on the beach than most other places. I know I look fabulous anywhere but you can wear a bikini at the beach.

That was like AGES ago and Ange’s people haven’t called my people back and so I’m thinking that’s a sign there is like t.r.o.u.b.l.e. at home, you know! Like why else wouldn’t she call me back! So I’m really super glad to have Beth as my new BFF. I’m so excited that I drew a super special self-portrait just for Beth. I autographed it and had it framed two! I have a life-size self-portrait I drew thats framed and hanging as the focal point when you walk into my living room. Every body says its great when they walk in. They all stop and look at it and are just like speechless! I wanted Beth to have one two but its not life-sized.

So mommy and daddy said that poppy Conrad might put me back in the will if I start acting like the rest of the family and do good and make better friends. Poppy Conrad said he was tired of seeing all of me (if you no what I meen) every time he turned around on the grocery store racks. I don’t know why he said that cause why would he be in the grocery store or on the racks? His people must be telling him but the ~~paparrazi~~ picture takers really really love me cause I’m hot. I’m so excited because I am a better person and helping other people and makeing better friends. Then Poppy Conrad will put me back in his will because I only do it all for other people and set a good example for all of my young fans!

Well, I just wanted to pop in and tell you whats on my mind and thats all that was on my mind. If something else like gets on my mind again I’ll come back and let you know.

Okay. Bye.

XOXO
Paris
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Paris Says Letters from Home Are Hot!

Hey everybody,

I’m here because Beth isn’t. I’ve been thinking a whole lot about what I will do to, like, to keep my promise to, you know, be a better person now that I’m out of the joint. That’s how convicts say jail. I learned that in the joint. That’s hot. I was just like doing my thing making sure nobody could see me in that grotesque orange jump suit they made me wear. I mean, that’s like just unhuman treatment for someone. It didn’t have like any shape and you couldn’t even see my legs! The color made me look like SO washed out. It was like I had no color at all and I look a lot better in color. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through in my life. Where was I ….

Oh, I remember! Somebody came up to me and said like you ought to be in the joint. I thought they were offering me one but they said it was like what they called jail and she rolled her eyes at me and said I was like pathetic and I said she was pathetic and then she said you look pathetic in orange and I called the guard and said they were being mean to me and they didn’t do anything about it at all. It was the worst things I’ve every been through ever in my life, you know.

:Sigh: That’s when I started thinking about my new clothing line. I thought I can look even like more fabulous in my clothes! Like I could sell my line like through one of my daddy’s businesses and like charge maybe like $500,000 to show up and smile at people and then I would like kill two birds with one stone, you know? I could be a better person and get richer at the same time, plus I could do my own clothes so that I would like never have to wear something like that orange again, you know. There won’t be any orange in my clothing line. AT. ALL. And I mean that. That was like worst then anything any body could torture anybody with.

Oh yeah, I forgot, I was reading in the joint and like found out that there are a lot of things like I didn’t even know about but I learned like bunches of stuff and learning is like really hot. I am a changed person and don’t want to be a loser like my ex-friend Lindsay or my ex-friend Britney or my … well, like any of my ex-friends or ex-boyfriends but the paparazzi really likes me cause I’m hot. I have more mature friends now because I’m a changed person and I have a cheufer drive me everywhere because I don’t ever want to go to the joint again. My new BFF Jenna is real mature and hot like me.

Well, I can’t think of anything else to say. Oh, I forgot to tell you why I’m here! One of the things that’s really hot is like writing to the soldiers and marines that are over in the hot desert in the war. I’ve been to hot places and I know its really hot and I wear a bikini and get in the ocean but they don’t wear bikinis I don’t think they do and I don’t think theres like even an ocean over there. They don’t even have like cell phones and can’t even text message. When I found that out I was like ‘Wow!’. They wouldn’t let me use my cell phone in the joint and that was one of the worst tortures I’ve EVER had. So I thought I would like write to them like the letter I wrote when I was in the joint and draw a picture of myself for them like I did when I was in the joint.

You should write them two. That won’t make them as happy as the letter I write cause I’m hot but I can’t write everybody so somebody will have to get a letter from you instead of me. But its better then not getting a letter at all cause like it’ll take me a long time to write one letter but I know I can do it cause I wrote one when I was in the joint.

Theres a guy named Jim Cannon at Thinking Right and he is working on writing letters so you can go there and find out what to do.

Okay and leave a tip cause I might be back if I don’t have to go to a party or something cause I’ve like been really busy doing good.

The tip jar is not for me - duh. Its because you like Beth doing her thing and keeping this blog going so you know whats going on, you know. You can buy her a Starbucks coffee or something from my clothing line, just don’t tip her with anything orange. That’s not hot.

XOXO
paris
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My diarhee, who cares about ME?

F–k you commentor Joe. EVERYONE CARES!!!!!!1!!!!!1!!

Joe, I shi’ite gold, piss moleten platenum, and step on your point little pinhead every time I quish an aunt!!!

Mommykins, I’m cold. So cold. They have me in the haspitol. Sort of, it’s, like, the jail place, but with beds and needles and other sharp things.

I’m scared, mommykins. So scared. I can’t sleep mommykins, they took my vicodin. And my oxycontin. And my phenobaritol. And my qualludes (sp?).

1 of the nursesess said she can get me to sleep if I give her 15 cartons of Marlboros and Playgirl Playmaster Double Reverse Hummer 1500 Super Double Dong XP6000 SUX. Can you slip me some coin?

It’s so unfair, mommykins. What DIDI DO??? Why am I in the jail when the PRESIDENT got a DUI and he’s NOT HERE TOO?????

There picking on me mommy, and they hate me I know they do. JUST because I’m pretty. And famous and rich and beautiful and attractive and sexy and welthy and hot and popular and farkable and gorgeous and good looking and wonderful and excellent and oh God mommykins I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM!!!!!

I have to go, mommykins. Beulah says it’s time for nightly bath and what she(?) calls “our special time alone with the back end of a fifth of tequila.” We did this last night, and altho it felt good to be naked in front of another person again, oddly, I didn’t feel a thing.

Kiss tonkergong for me! I miss my cuddly ferret!