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Archive for the 'Funny' Category

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Need a good laugh?

Updated links after youtube pulled a couple.

Here’s a couple.
First, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

A true recycle program:

This one is for the Michigan fans on this site. I give you the Ohio State baby:

Stole this one from DJ Allyn from the Rott. One of the ultimate practical jokes.

Finally all this guy has to do is go to a Chinese restaurant and speak fake Chinese to the wait staff and he’s my dad. This is the kind of things my dad would do, God rest his soul…

The Artery Clogger 3000 is here

Several sites have this so we’ll add to it. Meet the KFC Double Down ~~chickenwich~~ sandwich. It is bacon, smothered in cheese and the Colonel’s sauce all between 2 breaded chicken filets. I could feel my arteries crying in anticipation of their upcoming punishment when it arrives in NC. Jason and Jess at this is why you are fat had a review:

That’s it? That is the sandwich? That’s not worth five dollars. Oh… oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don’t know what “Colonel’s Sauce” is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I’m going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.

Here is a picture of this magnificent beast:

Can’t wait to get one. Oh, and thank you KFC for an entree that tells all the food Nazi’s who want to ban this and that to go F’ themselves. Love it!

A little humor for a distraction

Friday Night Fun

bwahahahahahaha

Time for a bit of humor. As you know, the southern states are going up up up the ladder on the fattest people in the nation stats. My great state of North Carolina is doing its part too, climbing several slots in the last check. So you know the populace of North Carolina is getting wayyyy too fat when this happens. Yes, it’s time for that time honored tradition, the county fair! And just what has the state of North Carolina worried? Well, swine flu, that’s what. But no, it’s not that the swine will infect humans, it’s that the lardasses (human swine) will infect the animal swine! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! No, seriously, I’m not kidding, here’s the link! Now, the article hims and haws around it, but the title should be “Officials worried that Porkers will infect Porky”… Yeah, I’ll catch hell for this one, but come on, you have to laugh…

My wife asked if they really think anyone with the flu is going to feel like going to the fair? If it’s as bad as it has been made out then not even the draw of elephant ears, watered down lemonade and overpriced near death experiences called rides can overcome that.

Then again, this is North Carolina and they do have rodeo, wrestling and demolition derbies at the fair. Even the near dead will turn out for that. Best watch your back Porky!!!

Why so stimulus?

Ok, fun time. Make up your slogan to replace the word “socialist” this picture. Mine’s in the title. Why so stimulus? Let’s hear ‘em!

Fun with Mug Shots! A special Sunday Edition of White Trash Wednesday

Ok, I’m still way burnt out on the serious political stuff. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was never that good with the political. I tried. Anyway, today, we are going to have a SPECIAL EDITION of White Trash Wednesday! I give you White Trash Wednesday, Special Sunday Edition: Fun with mug shots! We will cruise the Gaston Gazette and look at the mug shots from the weekend.

Here in North Carolina, we have our share of major rednecks. You can just hear the country music and the yeehaws. “here’s Uncle Joe, he’s moving kind of slow at the Junction”

Do the Palin glasses make me look smart too?

Now we also have our really cute ladies with the temper. These two hotties are charged with assault. Let’s get them a boxing ring with some mud and sell tickets!

Now this one in the red tank had a great weekend. On Friday, she assaulted someone and on Saturday she got drunk and started running around the neighborhood and was arrested again for drunk and disorderly. Sister, I want to party with you! Hey! She could take on the winner of the other 2 girls!

So, when you get arrested and you have no shirt, or are in PJ’s, it’s a 99% certainty that you’re a wife beater. Here are 3 of those “oh so tough they have to hit a woman to prove it” men:

This loser is actually a career actor. He’s always plays a townfolk in any western/redneck/mountain movie.

Yes, this dude in the hospital gown was charged with assault on a female.

Just look at the moustache. Is there any question of his charge? Or it’s accuracy? L-O-S-E-R!

Ok, so let’s go to the DWI winners and caption these mugs!

“Quick, take the wheel. I have a DWI already. They won’t arrest you! I’m going to kick his ass when I get out of here…”

Please let me go. PLEASE! I’ll do anything…

“I’m not drunk officer, I’m high. Oh, man, I’m so high. Wow, a unicorn!”

“Honey, the funniest thing happened to me on the way home from the bar!”

“Oh, Hi daddy! I’m going to need some money. And a lawyer too…”

“If I show them my boobs, will they let me go? I think I’ll just lean into the camera a bit. Can’t hurt!”

These three kings of Orient are arrested for…

If you said assault on a female, you’d be correct! Remember, shirtless means beater.

This next pair is in the category of “your family tree is a stump”. Yes, these next 2 are brothers, as if you couldn’t tell, and were arrested for drugs (gosh, no, really? Shocking!). Their names are Dustin and Justin. I guess like these two, their mom and dad weren’t too bright either. I think Thing 1 and Thing 2 would have been better.

Ok, this one was charged with “forced rape”. No comment.

These two were charged with prostitution and soliciting. I guess there’s a Viagra commercial there somewhere! “After I take Viagra, I am so ready, I offer money to every woman I see!!”

Here in North Carolina, we get our share of stars. Here’s Gary Bussey’s twin brother!

And finally, the winner of tonights white trash Wednesday, Sunday edition, this woman was charged with 10 different crimes. DWI, Posession, etc. The last one was public nudity when she did a strip for the officers before her mug shot, hoping that the entertainment would get them to let her go. As you can see by her expression the answer was “No dice”. Dang, she usually gets at least 20 for the lap dances and this one will have to be for free. However, all is not lost, the nudity charge was dropped when the DA said that the jail photo room was not public and therefore it had to be tossed.

So that completes this edition of white trash Wednesday, Sunday Special: fun with mug shots. I hope you enjoyed it. Here’s hoping we don’t find your picture here, or yes, it will get posted!

Do it yourself month!

Yeesh, they have months for everything. May is masturbation month! Or, as I call it: “do it yourself” month. So, um, I guess we don’t have to ask how one celebrates such a month. Wouldn’t wild sex month or maybe blowme month be better? Now, according to Dr. Susan M. Block, it’s to help take the stigma out of it. But is this really a problem? Heck for most guys, the ages from 10 on up are “do it yourself” decades. Our bedsheets can almost be called another life form and would walk to the washing machine by themselves. And don’t get me started on the fur gloves… I guess some fun is to be had with this. So here’s a clip from South Park to celebrate! Warning, it is South Park. If you don’t want to be offended, don’t click the link.

You’re going to pay my mortgage!!!

So I logged onto BB&T online today to check my mortgage balance and all look at what popped up!

“…On March 4, 2009 the Obama Administration announced the details of the Homeowner Affordability and Stability Plan. Under the President’s plan to prevent foreclosures and make homeownership more affordable, borrowers may be eligible to refinance or modify their existing mortgage loan. Eligibility for the plan varies based on investor guidelines.

Your loan is owned by Freddie Mac and serviced by BB&T. You may be eligible for the Making Home Affordable program options… ”

The bold was not added by me. They had that. I hearby recant all my cheering for the tea parties. They were wrong. Obama was right. His stimulus package is great! Now I have only one song… “I’ve got a golden ticket!” Get ready to pay my mortgage! I mean it’s only fair! I have vacations to take and cars to buy, I can’t be bothered to pay this when Obama will make you do it for me!

Anyway, I’m going to have a great weekend! Off to look for cars! “I’ve got a golden ticket!!!”

Ask the Moxargon Group

Remulak Moxargon and his round table talkers are asking for questions for the group to answer. So, go on over and toss him a couple questions. I asked him what Barack gave him.

Enjoy!

What did they do with the body?

Let’s put this one up in honor of Emperor Misha over at the Rott. Goblin decides to rob a store. Goblin gets distracted. Store person decides rather than call police, he’ll handle it. By the time the store clerk is done, the goblin is probably begging for police. He doesn’t get his wish. Last we see of the goblin, he is being pulled off to the back unwillingly. Hopefully he was in for some Jack Bauer treatment! I love the smell of justice doled out in self defense! The fun begins at about the 2:00 minute mark. Enjoy!

Random Links

So, just a few things on the internet for fun.

First up! If you are going to try to break a record by smashing coconuts live on TV, don’t you think you should TRY IT FIRST just to make sure you can??? I bring you MAJOR FAIL!

How Not To Break A World Record - Watch more Funny Videos

Apparently, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey and Benicio Del Toro are the big 3 in the upcoming 3 stooges movie. I guess Obama, Pelosi and Reid were busy…

Ok, guys, have you ever used lines like these or something like them?
“Nice shoes want to f**K?”
In the supermarket: “Are your melons ripe?”
“If you were a burger at McDonald’s I would call you McBeautiful”

If so, then Svetlana at somewhatdamaged wants to have a little talk with you…

Now, I know they say that diamonds are a girls best friend, but I beg to differ. This guy is a girls best friend. No words to describe it but at the 50 second mark, he’ll be Mr. Popular.

World’s Biggest Tongue - Watch more Funny Videos

Finally, I know your entire life will be made complete with these next words:

Where The Wild Things Are trailer!

That’s right! The single greatest children’s story book ever written made into a movie! Life is good!

Ring of Fire - By Barack’s victims

A little silliness for a Saturday. Have a good weekend. I give you, Ring of Fire, sung to the Johnny Cash version, performed by US, Barack’s future victims.

Aaaaannnnnnddddd begin!

He pro-mised, everything
and he made, the voters sing
now their wild, selfish desire
reamed my rear, to a ring of fire…

My butt hole is a burning ring of fire
my pay went down,down
when my taxes went higher.
And he reamed,reamed,reamed
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

My butt hole is a burning ring of fire
I feel like I was
fisted with a tire
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

He said no one, would have to pay
til they made, two fifty K
But when the bill, became past due
He came and reamed, you know who

YOUR butt hole will be a ring of fire
your pay will go down
and your taxes go higher.
And he’ll ream,ream,ream
your ring of fire
your ring of fire.

Our butt holes will be a ring of fire
We’ll feel like we were
fisted with a tire
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

Dumber than a Chimp

So for 8 years we had W being called McChimpy Bushitler. But in all his mistakes, W never had to depend on a teleprompter to tell him what to say. Even Bush the trained monkey could wing a speech if he had to. Unfortunately Obama cannot! The headline says it all: “Barack Obama thanks himself in teleprompter blunder with Irish PM on St. Patrick’s day”

Dumber than a chimp. Ugh, I never thought I’d long for the Bush speeches. At least they were delivered from the heart. Go give it a read and laugh your arse off before realizing that it’s real and not made up…

Embarass a Steadfast Ally Contest

So, our brave new face of America is hot off his first meeting with a treasured friend and ally of the United States. Tradition in such meetings is to exchange gifts of some significance and symbolism pertaining to our general relationship with one another. Gordon Brown brought Obama a pen holder carved from wood from the HMS Gannet, a ship that patrolled the water off of Africa to fight the illegal slave trade. This furthermore was the sister ship of the HMS Resolute, the ship from which the Oval Office desk was carved. What did our new master diplomat and messiah of the world’s masses, yearning for great US diplomacy in the wake of Bush, give to Gordon Brown? A DVD set of 25 movies selected by the American Film Institute as being the top 25. Included therein:

1. Citizen Kane
2. The Godfather
3. Casablanca
4. Raging Bull
5. Singing In The Rain
6. Gone With The Wind
7. Lawrence Of Arabia
8. Schindler’s List
9. Vertigo
10. The Wizard Of Oz
11. City Lights
12. The Searchers
13. Star Wars: Episode IV
14. Psycho
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey
16. Sunset Boulevard
17. The Graduate
18. The General
19. On The Waterfront
20. It’s A Wonderful Life
21. Chinatown
22. Some Like It Hot
23. The Grapes Of Wrath
24. ET: The Extra Terrestrial
25. To Kill A Mockingbird

Gordon Brown is not noted as being a particular film buff. In fact he’s actually losing his sight. We still don’t know if the DVDs were region 1 or region 2 (if they were region 1 he can’t play them on a UK format DVD player). Gordon Brown has been classy enough not to comment on the gift, but the British press has been in a mild uproar over this. Great first outing Obama. Iran is going to roll this guy.

And it got me to thinking: could we come up with a worse diplomatic exchange gift if we tried? So I say let’s. In the comments, come up with an ally of the US, and a diplomatic gift to give him that would completely and totally snub them. Points awarded for gifts that are total non-sequiturs or potentially even offensive given the recipient. I will be announcing a winner next Monday.

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