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So, just a few things on the internet for fun.

First up! If you are going to try to break a record by smashing coconuts live on TV, don’t you think you should TRY IT FIRST just to make sure you can??? I bring you MAJOR FAIL!

How Not To Break A World Record - Watch more Funny Videos

Apparently, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey and Benicio Del Toro are the big 3 in the upcoming 3 stooges movie. I guess Obama, Pelosi and Reid were busy…

Ok, guys, have you ever used lines like these or something like them?
“Nice shoes want to f**K?”
In the supermarket: “Are your melons ripe?”
“If you were a burger at McDonald’s I would call you McBeautiful”

If so, then Svetlana at somewhatdamaged wants to have a little talk with you…

Now, I know they say that diamonds are a girls best friend, but I beg to differ. This guy is a girls best friend. No words to describe it but at the 50 second mark, he’ll be Mr. Popular.

World’s Biggest Tongue - Watch more Funny Videos

Finally, I know your entire life will be made complete with these next words:

Where The Wild Things Are trailer!

That’s right! The single greatest children’s story book ever written made into a movie! Life is good!

Wacky Jackie’s Blackity Yackity

So you’ve probably heard now that comedian Jackie Mason, 1. isn’t dead, and 2. kicked off a little tiff by referring to President Obama as a schvartze. It probably just would have gone down as another Michael Richards incident, if not for the fact that when Mason was mobbed by reporters he wasn’t cowed in the slightest. He dug in, stood his ground, and pointed out that comedians like Chris Rock hurl racial epithets at whites all the time and never have to answer for it. At that point what would otherwise have been an embarrassing situation involving an old man stuck in his ways became something much, much more potent, valid social commentary. I’m sorry to say that unless more people have balls like Mason, this will not set a trend.

Already we’re seeing that the hypersensitivity about race that pervades our society is stifling another time honored tradition, incisive criticism about our president and his policies. Whoever said politics is a full contact sport was a keen observer not just of how campaigns are conducted, but of the savagery of political commentary stretching not just back to the birth of our republic, but to the birth of socially poignant writing. Aristophanes wrote plays almost 3000 years ago which accused politicians of being homosexuals, diplomats of being profiteers, informants of being greedy good for nothings (though he does find a creative use for one in The Acharnians), and the masses as easily deceived. We’ve certainly been equally as mean and scathing in our own depictions of our politicians, comparing them to pigs, cavemen, and yes, even apes.

Which brings me to tying it all together. Recently the New York Post ran a cartoon comparing the administration’s economic policy to the chimp that went crazy and tore a woman’s face off. Had this been a president Clinton, no big deal. Had it been Bush, it would have been trite and overdone (impossible to count the number of times when Bush was called a chimp). The problem is, it was about Obama. And so the fit hit the shan. The Post was mobbed by people decrying it as “racist.” They were badgered into giving an apology, and with great reluctance they did. Scant were the voices suggesting that maybe this special social consideration we give in our exact phrasing when dealing with people of color really ought to have a limit. Scant were the voices saying that limit is reached when people have valid points to make about the governance of our nation, irrespective of the color of the skin of our president. Somebody said “chimp” while we have a black president, so there was no time for serious thought about incisive critique when there’s placards to make and marches to be done.

And so, I fear the Post is just the first of many valid critics that will be shut down or overridden because we’ve decided the personal protections of racial sensitivity shield one even at the detriment of public discourse. I’d like to think that men of principle will take a stand, but the truth is Jackie Mason will probably be the exception and not the rule. Jackie’s got principles, but I think he’s standing his ground on this one more because he’s old and just doesn’t give a shit anymore. The rest, who actually have something to lose, will mute themselves and retract. Electing a black president was supposed to be a positive thing for this country, but so far all I see is that the satirist will be muted, the cartoonist more hesitant to draw. Things that need to be said will go unsaid. That’s not a positive thing to happen on the watch of the first black president. And, frankly, if our hypersensitivity about race will continue to override the basic need in a free society of the critic and satirist to attack policy, then I don’t mind standing up and saying that Barack Obama should be our last black president. No more till we have no qualms about criticizing the man in some terms that might be seen as mean.

Francis and Newman

Of course the answer to the Francis query was Stripes. One of my favorite scenes from that movie. Funny thing is I didn’t want to see it in the first place. I was dragged to it by my friends Chris and John when it came out. It is in a league by itself. Here’s the classic Francis clip:

I am not big into “favorite actors”. I don’t even know half the people in my favorite movies. When Paul Newman died this weekend, my thought was, “bet my mom’s sad”. I couldn’t name a single movie he was in. Only this weekend did I realize he was in one of my favorites: Slapshot. Of course, the Hanson brothers were my favorite.

R.I.P. Paul.

matt damon is very afraid

He doesn’t know anything about Sarah Palin. Except she was Mayor of a really small town, and then Governor of Alaska for two years. Less than that, actually. I mean, where did she come from?

And now she’s gonna be facing down Vladimir Putin, and he just doesn’t know if she thought dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago, and he needs to. And the actuarial tables show that McCain could easily DIE!!!!! And then what?

And he’s scared. And it’s absurd. And it’s like a bad Disney movie, where some hockey mom becomes President.

Poor love. He’s going to need some pretty intensive therapy come November 5th.

No mention of Obama’s extensive two-book and a year in Bali resume, but one assumes Matt is somewhat more comforted by The One.

PS. Who cares what you think, Matt? You’re a fucking actor.

Go and laugh at him, his earnest concern is toe-curlingly funny.

Paris for president? She’s better than Barack

Ok, not really presidential material, but look, she’s already more qualified than Barack. She’s held several jobs that people actually do (remember her TV series?). That makes her more experienced. She’s also more tactful. What has Barack Obama done after every commercial run about him? Cried like a spoiled little baby and played the race card. Compare that to Paris’ response: McCain uses her in an ad slamming Obama as a glorified celebrity. Does Paris get mad? No. Does she pout? Not any more than usual. Does she play a gender/celeb card? Nope. She does what she does best: She turns it around and markets it. Smarter, more tactful, more experienced and funny:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

First, she picks at McCain a bit. That’s fair. He picked at her in his ad. She didn’t get nasty or mean. She poked and made fun. Then she makes it all about her in a positive way. She’s running for president now she guesses. Oh, and once she reads about the best place to tan, she has an oil plan. A plan that I will point out may not work, but already has more IQ behind it than Obama’s.

The saddest part of this is she shows more intelligence in this ad than Obama has ever shown. And she delivered it without notes or a teleprompter. Barack can’t do that! Now, I know the funny or die guys had their hand in it. But still, this is funny and quite frankly a nice distraction while the media pulls everything out to make Obama’s “inflate your tires and you’ll never have to fill up again” policy seem intelligent.

Celebritard eco-hippycrites

I really have nothing to add to this wonderfully snarky article about celebrity ecofascists, except that I wish they would all just kindly STFU about Goreball Worming™ until they practice what they preach. Of course, none of this is news to anyone–it’s just fun to point and laugh at their hypocrisy.

Here’s world-renowned genius Brad Pitt:

“There’s a lot of problems in the world right now because of our dependency on oil,” Pitt gravely warned his fans in a recent interview.

Key word being “our,” as in his and Angelina’s dependency on oil, along with the rest of celebritardom.

Apologies all around for sending you to a link with a frightening pic of Sting and Trudie Styler. ACK!

Actor Jim Caviezel walks the walk

You know Jim Caviezel, from The Passion of the Christ and many others, including one of my favorite movies–The Thin Red Line. I’ve been a fan of his for a long time, and not just because of his films. How can you not admire someone like this? (Via the Anchoress.)

Jim Caviezel, the star of the blockbuster film The Passion of the Christ, told an interviewer that he had been challenged by a friend who was not pro-life to live up to his professed pro-life convictions and adopt a disabled child.

The friend told Caviezel that if he did that, then he would change to the pro-life position. When Caviezel and his wife, Kerri, went to China to adopt not one, but eventually two orphans suffering from brain tumours, the friend reneged on the deal. Caviezel, however, said, “It didn’t matter to me because the joy that we had from (Bo) - he’s like our own.”

The couple’s first child, Bo, had been abandoned on a train, grew up in an orphanage until he was five and was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The Caviezels nursed Bo through his surgeries and he remains today at the centre of the family.

“We took the harder road,” the actor said. “That is what faith is to me; it’s action. It’s the Samaritan. It’s not the one who says he is; it’s the one who does - and does without bringing attention to himself. I’m saying this because I want to encourage other people.”

Go read the whole thing.

Speaking of Catholics, rumors are circulating that President Bush may convert to Catholicism. There aren’t a lot of specifics, but it’s an interesting rumor at the very least! Closet Catholic? I can relate to that–if he’s really a “closet Catholic” like I am, he’ll do it (I’ve just been lazy, to be honest).

Miley Cyrus and Vanity Fair, from the mom of a Miley/Hannah Montana fan (UPDATED)

Y’all know I have a daughter of the Hannah Montana-fan age. I sort of feel obligated to say something because I am so absolutely disgusted, but I almost feel talked out on the subject, at least with my daughter. I’ve certainly spent more time thinking about it than I’d expect, but nobody ever said parenting a young girl nowadays was easy, I guess. I just needed to talk about it with my daughter before I wrote about this episode here.

The short version: If you read Vanity Fair now, after this, you are actively part of the problem.

But that’s not all I can say. Not by a longshot. I’m not going to post the pictures here; they’re everywhere else anyway. I will not put a child in provocative poses on display for pedophiles to ogle. I’m kind of annoyed that everyone expressing outrage is doing it, but I guess people figure it’s everywhere else already, so whatever. I’m just not going to.

So okay, what the hell were her parents thinking? Is Billy Ray Achy-Breaky-One-Hit-Wonder Cyrus worried that his cash cow daughter has peaked? Is he afraid she’ll end up “washed up” at 16? What in God’s name do her parents think these pictures appeal to, in Vanity Fair magazine? It’s not like nine year-olds read it - hell, as the parent of a nine year-old, even I don’t read it. I loathe their Hollywood-NYC celebrity voyeur/porn mentality, their libertine hedonism, and their liberal politics. And Annie Leibovitz? Seriously? Does that idiot father of hers not know the style of photography she does? Oh wait, of course he does. Even Miley Cyrus knew, at 15.

Gawker, certainly no blog championing the rights of children or sexual modesty, calls out Leibovitz and Vanity Fair, and this is a whole lot of what I fear as well:

There’s a technique called “grooming” that pedophiles use on their victims (yes, we just learned about it today, thank you). One definition says “Grooming behavior is intended to make the victim or potential victim or victim’s guardians feel comfortable with the molester and even interested in interacting with him.” And here’s a characteristic of a regressed child molester: “They place pseudo-adult status on their victims and then view them as they would their peers.”

Isn’t that what it’s really about? Appealing to child predators? Weren’t we JUST talking about a legal case in Texas where girls this age are being married off and having children with much older men? That’s objectionable, but not this?

Gawker goes after Leibovitz here, too:

Yes, a free press extends into the celebrity arena, and yes, we’re all for openness in reporting, obviously. But Leibovitz, who has earned over the course of her career the right to call the shots on the photos that fill our country’s glossiest magazine pages, has lost her perspective. It’s a matter of very simple decency, and one doesn’t have to be a prude, or a conservative, or even someone frustrated with the sheer vapid nature of these things, to steer clear of sexualizing children for the sake of selling more magazines.

E X A C T L Y.

The kid is 15 years old. What’s she going to do with her consenting parents there, and Annie Leibovitz the renowned photographer? Resist? Not bloody likely.

Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought it was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie.

God, I hate these vultures’ guts.

You know, it’s been like a death watch of sorts, just waiting, hoping this sweet girl wouldn’t have a Britney-Jamie Lynn-Lindsay moment, like they all do. I know that’s awful, just waiting for it to happen, praying she would be different. Certainly, this isn’t a Britney-Lindsay (or God knows, Jamie Lynn) moment, but it’s a warning shot of sorts. Billy Ray Cyrus has let the world know that it’s okay to think of his 15 year-old daughter as a sexual object, with a greedy assist from Leibovitz and Vanity Fair, all to happy to get the big star and the publicity that attends her. Controversy and moral/ethical considerations be damned, it’s about money.

Now of course, Miley’s put out a statement expressing regret, although I doubt she thought to do that all on her own. I’m not one to talk about a “bonfire” of Hannah Montana crap, but I don’t know where to go next with my daughter’s favorite actress/singer. Even I like Miley, and I’m certainly no fan of bubblegum pop at all. I don’t fault her; I fault all the so-called adults around her who should damn well know better. Fifteen year-olds, even millionaire stars like Miley Cyrus, simply do not know what the sexualization of kids is about or what it does to them.

Please, Miley, show all of us–mothers, daughters, and dads, too–that we are worrying for no reason in your case. Our daughters are crazy about you, and we need you (and your young celebrity peers) to be worthy of their adoration. Make this really be “a mistake.” Please.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: My friend Bill emailed me this; please read it.

Here’s a site that will interest you:

http://www.minorcon.org/miley1.html

You probably didn’t watch the Donna Reed show, but it was a big TV Family show. Paul Petersen played the son. His site is mainly aimed at current, and former child stars. Some of the stories will break your heart:

http://www.minorcon.org/toc.html

Bill followed that up with a link to help support the fight against child exploitation in pop culture. YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I wish the major gossip sites like Gawker, TMZ, etc. would make this organization known to their readers as well.

My friends, it is no longer a question of IF we’ll make things better for professional children, but WHEN. We remain committed to our intervention and support mission as well, acting through several vehicles. We are tied to many delivery systems for help in substance abuse and treatment, we continue to offer financial aid and no-cost counseling and mentoring programs. We continue to serve on the Young Performers Committee (now starting our 7th year) and attend the continuing Orientation Meetings for young performers and their parents held every 3rd Tuesday of the month at Screen Actors Guild headquarters in Los Angeles.

Legislation is working its way through the process in KANSAS and NORTH CAROLINA, plus Iowa, Arizona, and Texas. We will have an up-date on those endeavors shortly. House Bill 2838, just so you’ll know, passed out of the Kansas Assembly 122-0 in late-March.

We’re on a roll.

Let me close this report by asking for your financial support. A Minor Consideration is no longer a small concern. Our interests are global. I would not have to ask if our mission had remained just caring for former kid stars down on their luck. We are into Prevention now. Our initial charter and mission statement remains in place. It’s the work that has changed. We are using the tools of the electronic generation to make contributions a bit easier for you. Your financial assistance is vital. We take no fees for any of our services. No one has yet to draw a salary. As our record of accomplishments grows you can be sure that we’ll put your money to good use.

Please go read A Minor Consideration.

raving. nutjob. holds. forth - world. yawns.

Michael Moore has given teh Obamessiah™ sumthin’ he don’t want: His endorsement!!!

Seems like if you were sitting in the front row when haughty, French-looking Senator Jean Le Kerry reported for duty (hurl) in 2004, you’re likely to go for Barry H Obama.

Moore endorsed Obama in a 1,100-word posting on his Web site Monday. It includes praise for the Illinois senator and harsh words for Hillary Rodham Clinton, the Democratic Party and the Bush administration.

Obama’s disciples will undoubtedly be trying to crash the Moore server, hoping news of the great man’s endorsement doesn’t reach any typical white people, fearing the brown folks and clinging to their guns and bibles.

Moore goes on in his typically understated moderate style:

“What we are witnessing is not just a candidate but a profound, massive public movement for change,” Moore writes. “My endorsement is more for Obama The Movement than it is for Obama the candidate.”

The 54-year-old Oscar-winning filmmaker was hardly as kind to Clinton.

“Over the past two months, the actions and words of Hillary Clinton have gone from being merely disappointing to downright disgusting,” he writes, saying that she has tried to “smear” Obama, “Like you were nuts. Like you were a bigot stoking the fires of stupidity.”

Obama, The Movement™. Wow!! I’m thinking of joining this cult myself!!

But, talking of bigots stoking the fires of stupidity, Moore admits to the cause of his probable brain injuries, which undoubtedly lead to his political tourette’s syndrome:

“I, like the majority of Americans, have been pummeled senseless for eight long years,” he writes. “That’s why I will join millions of citizens and stagger into the voting booth come November, like a boxer in the 12th round, all bloodied and bruised with one eye swollen shut, looking for the only thing that matters - that big ’D’ on the ballot.”

The biggest ‘D’ should be on your hat, you unhinged hateful loser, if the actions of your government ‘pummel you senseless’ but you stay and take it.

Clinton repulsed me, but I never felt bloodied or bruised. Just a little grubby, itchy, and in need of a good shower.

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes: Katie escaping the cult?!

A little change of pace for a moment

It looks like Katie Holmes is going to escape the death-grip of Tom Cruise!

Crushed by the weight of her marriage to Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes is striking out on her own — and she’s determined to take their daughter, Suri, with her to New York City. But insiders say that Tom’s having none of it.

In the new issue of Star — on newsstands now — we report on the latest at Camp Cruise. According to our sources, Katie, who was offered a role on Broadway, is trying to break away from her controlled life under the watchful eyes of her husband and move to Manhattan in what will be a sort of trial separation.

Crazy Tom’s not having any of that, though.

It is understood the couple’s tug of war over their daughter has intensified.

The news of a separation comes as TV star Jason Beghe who is reportedly friends with Cruise, has slammed the Church of Scientology in a rant released on YouTube.

Okay, you’re wondering why I’m wasting pixelspace on Tom Cruise? Fair question. The headline is google bait, sort of. Honestly, I wouldn’t bother with any other celebrity separation–that’s Agent Bedhead’s (Sadie’s) realm. She’s got more to say about Tom Cruise, but it’s not about Katie Holmes. It’s about that dangerous cult of his.

If you’re wondering why you should care about Scientology, it’s because you help subsidize them. They are tax-exempt, recognized as a “religion.” It is NOT a religion, it’s a money-making operation, a cult, but not a religion. Scientology kills, and they have the US government’s approval. (Thanks a lot, Clinton Administration!)

Here’s the Jason Beghe interview (plus backups) about Scientology that got Xenu.tv (one of the major Scientology critics, if not the primary one) banned from YouTube–banned because Scientologists reported him, just like the cyberjihadis get anti-terrorist videos and users banned. Same tactics.

Go read Agent Bedhead’s piece, and then go to youfoundthecard.com for a quick primer.

[Related]

Brigitte Bardot charged with “inciting racial hatred” (again)

This is ridiculous.

Prosecutors asked that the Paris court hand the 73-year-old former sex symbol a two-month suspended prison sentence and fine her 15,000 euros ($23,760) for saying the Muslim community was “destroying our country and imposing its acts.”

Stupid Fwance. Those people consider themselves “liberal?” This is where we’re headed here, y’all, if the libs have their way. Criminalization of politically incorrect thought.

She has been fined four times for inciting racial hatred since 1997, at first 1,500 euros and most recently 5,000.

Prosecutor Anne de Fontette told the court she was seeking a tougher sentence than usual, adding: “I am a little tired of prosecuting Mrs Bardot.”

Tell me, what’s so inflammatory about what Bardot said? And how is that inciting “RACIAL hatred?” What race is a Muslim?

“I am fed up with being under the thumb of this population which is destroying us, destroying our country and imposing its acts,” the star of ‘And God created woman’ and ‘Contempt’ said.

Bardot has previously said France is being invaded by sheep-slaughtering Muslims and published a book attacking gays, immigrants and the unemployed, in which she also lamented the “Islamisation of France”.

Good thing Orianna Fallaci, Pim Fortuyn, Theo Van Gogh, Geert Wilders, etc. weren’t/aren’t from France. For that matter, I can imagine Pope Benedict XVI being prosecuted in France, if they’re that repressive.

This bit in Time is amazing:

…in 2004, another Bardot book, A Cry In the Silence, again took up the question of immigration and Islam — ultimately running afoul of anti-racism laws by generally associating Islam with the 9/11 terror attacks, and denouncing the “Islamization of France” by people she described as “invaders”.

O RLY? Mon dieu. Look, I get the European fear of racism and extremism, considering the history. But really, they’ve just exchanged one form of totalitarianism–the Nazis–with another, with this criminalization of free thought. This is why they end up with nasty neo-fascist groups and parties in Europe; it’s an overreaction to this absurd moral relativism and obsession with “political correctness.” Prosecuting a 71 year-old cultural icon for speaking her mind isn’t gonna help.

Nice to know Italy isn’t falling down this shithole of leftist intolerance, anyway.

spike lee to world: I was a credulous dupe. But not now.

In a moment of (probably thoughtless) candor, Spike Lee admits that he voted for a pair of people he recognizes as absolute liars. Twice.

The Clintons, man, they would lie on a stack of Bibles. Snipers? That’s not misspeaking; that’s some pure bulls***. I voted for Clinton twice, but that’s over with. These old black politicians say, “Ooh, Massuh Clinton was good to us, massuh hired a lot of us, massuh was good!”

But that’s all behind him!

I’m riding my man Obama. I think he’s a visionary. Actually, Barack told me the first date he took Michelle to was Do the Right Thing.

And one day Spike, you’ll realize that he ,too, was lying to you.

I’m not sure what’s more disturbing - that

A) Spike Lee is such an idiot that it took him ten years longer than everybody else to realize that the Clintons are disgusting lying filth, or

B) Given the facts evident from point A), that he keeps being asked for his opinion.

Robert Spencer On Jawa Radio

Robert Spencer, director of Jihad Watch, and author of The Truth About Muhammed, was kind enough to grace us schlubs with his presence.

Who’s Crazier: Tom Cruise or Britney Spears?

You just might be a nutcase if people think Britney Spears is more mentally balanced than you are.

Brad & Angelina kidnapped Madeleine McCann!

Or so says serial plaintiff, Jonathan Riches (gotta love the name):

Riches v. Pitt et al

Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches sued Defendants Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox Jolie Pitt, Zahara Jolie Pitt, Shiloh Jolie Pitt, and Pax Jolie Pitt. Plaintiff alleged that Defendants Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie kidnapped Madeleine McCann in a major conspiracy plot to adopt her against her will, as part of a secret plot to take, kidnap and adopt a child from each of the 192 world wide countries. Plaintiff stated that he learned about the plot from his pen pal Billy Bob Thorton.

Why do I love the guy’s name? It might have something to do with the 80 trizillion lawsuits he’s filed, and this one isn’t even close to the silliest one. Look out, you might be next! (Even if you’re dead or…neither dead or alive!)

stein hoist Dumb Lawsuits