April Fool’s | MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Archive for the 'April Fool's' Category

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Trust No One

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *

The cruelest joke of all - WOOT. (Bastards!)

stein hoist Thomas Paine

* UPDATE: Posted at his blog now too, to “prove” it to one (only one!) doubter. LOL

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

This whole “amnesty” debate is making me ill.

If the U.S. had flown the planes into Mecca instead of the Twin Towers, as I advocated, we wouldn’t be having this debate.

No, I’m serial, I introduced a bill authorizing planes being kamikazis into Mecca, but Chimpy nixed that and had them flown into the WTC.

Oh, stop mocking me. I’m the Truth, the Light, and the Way. Unless Al Gore enters the race.

Vote for meeeeeeeeeeeee.

Today’s random thoughts

Random thoughts:

FIRST: You script- and widget-people (Technorati (favorites widgets), etc.) — When are you people going to realize that most blogs do not have huge sidebars??? I’m only picking on Technorati right now because I just gave someone the Technorati favorites widget code for Cotillion, but this is a very widespread problem. Technorati’s “favorites” widget is 200px wide. Easy to fix, but a whole lot of people don’t realize it. Worse, there are other things that are not so easy to change that have even wider widths. My sidebars on this Geek theme are a whopping 200px and 190px respectively, but that’s nowhere near the norm (usually somewhere around 150 px, often smaller!)–and even I still have to shrink sidebar stuff. You can’t ask every web designer out there to start making wider sidebars, but dammit, widgetmakers, quit making such huge widgets! This annoys the hell out of me.

SECOND: Another design-related annoyance: Waiting forever for a blog’s main content to load because all the stuff in the sidebars (including blogrolls, ads, and other offsite crap) loads before the content. Web designers, please stop making sidebars load first. There are lots of great-looking free themes out there for Wordpress (and Blogger, for that matter) that I would never use because really, who wants to wait for a stupid blogroll or the ecosystem stats or ads to load before the real content shows up? This really annoys the hell out of me.

THIRD: Does anyone know of a scent that children hate but adults like? I ask because of a friend who has these asshole neighbors that let their kids come over to her house ALL THE TIME and the kids (seven of them!) pound on the door, walk in the house, hang on her, and basically annoy her and her husband all day long. (No, it’s not me–I would have lost my damn mind by now in that situation.) I’m thinking something like Off, only to repel children. Seriously; when I hear about my friend’s neighbor issue, I almost want to go to her house and chase those kids off myself!

FOURTH (and last): This April Fools’ Day sucks. I STG, I really couldn’t think of any believable April Fool’s joke. I wanted to switch to a crazy theme for the day, but (surprise!) it doesn’t work in IE. And basically, I don’t feel like messing with it. I’ve been sick for the last couple of days, so I’ll blame that for my lack of imagination in the April Fools department today. Mheh.

Thatisall.
:mrgreen:

American Idol - Top 12 Week, Night 1

Woo hoo. Finally, they’re down to twelve. Now I guess I have to learn these dorks’ names, huh? OK, well two names I did know are gone–Antonella Barba (thank GOD she’s gone) and Sundance. I forgot the other two names from last week already! It’s kinda hard not to know Antonella Barba’s name, with all the idiots searching on teh intarweb for her, manufacturing fifteen minutes of fame for her. But enough of the losers.

Hopefully, my long-time Idol friend Chris will be here, because he’s usually right on target with his predictions. I’m not! There are sites that predict the winnars and lozars every week based on estimated calls, and then there’s the infamous (and wonderful) Vote for the Worst. Guess who VFTW is gunning for this time?

Yup. Sanjaya. Or “Michael Jackson,” as I see him. OK, so Sanjaya’s probably not a perverted freak, but that week he wore the hat and sang in that high-pitched voice? Ugh. Apparently all the tweens love him, which makes me laugh because WTF? I know when I was that age, I sure didn’t go for the boys that looked and sounded so…I dunno…girlish. Ever. Then again, I’m not a MySpace retard and I’m not really into this silly teevee show, either, and never would have been.

Tonight starts out with…what was his name? Randy? See? I’m sucking with most of these names. And this performance sucks ass, or maybe he just picked a really, really bad song. Errr…wait, almost ALL the songs are really, really bad. This one’s particularly bad for him. Oh! And I despise these cheesy endings to these cheesy songs!

OK, it was Brandon, not Randy. Yay, the Three Stooges thought he was weak, too. Shocker. More babbling about American Idol horrors below the break!

Oops! I wasn’t paying attention to the lame family story or whatever they were talking about. Who is this? Melinda? Well, hey, she can sing! Good. What the fark is she doing on this show?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! F–king Paula!!! Get off the bottle, biatch! She’s a crying drunk! F–k, I can’t believe she’s crying! I mean Melinda was awesome, but crying?! And Simon’s laughing at Paula! HAHA! F–k yeah, Simon!

Oh my God, now I’m gonna cry. ::sob:: Boohooohooo…. This Endless Love shi’ite makes the Baby Jesus cry, too. Jack Osbourne or whatever, Chris, dude, that S U C K E D !!!!!!

S U C K E D ! ! !

Dude is so going home this week. Home!, with his big freaky huge head with the big freaky huge hair.

Who’s this clown with the bad hair dye job and the goth wannabe look? Hmmm. Who looks more ridiculous, Diana Ross or Goth Wannabe Girl? Gina. Well, her voice isn’t horrible, even though the song is. I think I’m going to hate almost everyone because I think Diana Ross is lamer than shi’ite. And no, Simon and crew aren’t impressed either, although they weren’t booing, as Simon practically (and rightfully) was doing with ~~Jack Osbourne~~ Chris.

W00t! Sanjaya! Vote for the worst! I almost feel guilty because he seems like a sweet kid, but I don’t feel THAT bad. OMG!!! What’s with the Diana hair he’s sportin’??? How perfect is it that Michael Jackson gets a Diana Ross night?! Jesus, this kid is cheesy. Horrifying. Evil. HA! Simon is so right! Mean? Shi’ite, he’s damn right. The only thing Diana Ross about that song was the hair! HAAHAA! It was horrible, cheesy, wrong, vile, asinine. No problem, though, kid–you’ve got the VFTW votes, unlike the other hairdo boy Chris. (Yes, I know I’m obsessing. I was traumatized by Chris’ “performance,” if you can call it that.)

BAH, shi’ite. Commercials are over already? Ugh. Isn’t this over yet? WTF, did I actually decide to do this again on a two-hour night? Shi’ite. Oh good, more to ignore–the chatter with Diana, blah blah blah. This one’s Haley, apparently (?) the one everyone said should have gone home last week. I admit it–I didn’t watch last week or the week before.

EEEK! She sucks too! Booooooooo! OK, she’s not as horrifying as Sanjaya and Chris, but damn, she sucks BIG time. What’s with these tards and their jerky stage movements? They always look so choreographed, just raising an arm. How pathetic. There’s Randy with his “a little pitchy” shi’ite again–I stg that’s their favorite word. Pitchy. What’s wrong with “sucky?” And why the hell is Simon being more forgiving than the others? Oh yeah, I forgot. He’s thinking with his other head. Now she’s begging for everyone to feel sorry for her. Oy. Well, she wasn’t the worst so far this week, but …

ACK! What’s that commercial? Will Farrell playing an ice skater? Oh, I forgot, I’m not live-blogging commercials. That was just too disturbing to not mention it.

Oh, hey Chris! (Lucky bastard with TIVO gets to fast forward through Chris and Sanjaya and Haley!) Dude, who’s the bald guy? Phil?

KILL ME! NO NO NO!!! I can’t take this!!!! Lounge singer, lounge stage presence, and it’s BAD, BAD, BAD lounge shi’ite! Where’s that gong, anyway? GONG! Get off the stage! I swear I’m never watching this show ever ever again! All the dudes on this show suck ASS!

OK, my daughter just woke me up. I passed out from that excessive cheesiness. Lakisha. She’s really good, but this is sorta boring. Or else I’m just in a funk now after all that suckage from the dudes. Or it’s just a bad song for me. Well, the audience loves her. Randy loves her. Paula’s not crying! w00t! Or is she? Simon sez she and Melinda are in a “different league” compared to the others, and he’s right.

Haha, Chris (not that Chris, this Chris) doesn’t hate Chrisjack Osbourne with the heat of ten thousand suns like I do! Yikes! And dude, I missed Gina’s pierced tongue, but now I really hate her if she’s got that.

Hey, what the hell? This Blake dude is still on? Blechhh. At least he’s not wearing the faux-hawk. Errrrm…spoke too soon. Still has the idiot hair. But I have to say, despite the fact that I think this SUCKS, he’s better than the other dudes so far. How sad is that?! Yuck.

OK, even though this is the third year I’ve put myself through this hell for the sake of venting at the teevee (versus screeching on the blog about shi’ite that actually matters), I dunno what’s going on. Are they gonna make people vote off two this week? And does it have to be one male/one female? ‘Cause that would suck. I’d say see-ya to Sanjaya and either Chris or Phil. Good thing I don’t actually vote until the end! (Why waste time on phone calls for this shi’ite?)

Now it’s Stephanie with Love Hangover. Well, already she’s in the top three this week, behind Melinda and Lakisha, and this isn’t really that impressive. Maybe I just hate the song itself, like all the others. Anyway, top three easily, at least for me. The judges seem to think so as well.

What? There’s another Chris? Who is this guy? Oh yay, another cheesy dude. Whoa, he sucks too, but he’s going out toward the audience and walking around. That’ll save him this week, I guess. :sigh: I guess I’m going to just cringe every time a guy steps on stage this season. Haha, Simon sez it was “dreadful!”

Christ, if this isn’t torture enough, my daughter is raising hell with the cat. I think I’m going to need to get stocked up on booze to make it through this AI season. OK, Good Chris says just one’s getting cut this week. Damn. (Thanks, Chris!) Or should I say Mean Chris? HAHA, Chris R. (the dork who was just on) is Pee-Wee Herman!

HEY, why the fark are all you others here reading this and not commiserating with us? Yer gonna make us suffer alone? I can see you’re here! Pbbbbt!

Please God, let this Jordin chick be the last one. This sucks too, but watch the Three Stooges like it, only because it’s so much better than the guys, and better than Haley and Gina. Still, this is boring as hell. Yep, they love it. Yawn. Randy says she’s up there with Melinda and Lakisha? Um, no she’s not. She might be #3, but there’s a long way between 2 and 3.

OK, phone numbers: 1-866-IDOLS**. Just go down the list, they’re all in order. Brandon is IDOLS01/text 5701, but you’re not voting for him. Melinda is IDOLS02, text 5702. Lakisha is IDOLS08, text 5708. That’s all you need to know, unless you’re voting with VFTW. Sanjaya is 05. :mrgreen:

Chris has his rankings in the comments; I’m just going with Melinda (whom I keep wanting to call Mandisa) and Lakisha, with everyone else sucking in comparison and the dudes way, way at the bottom.

Vinnie said he’ll do TIVO blogging for the elimination night (I do believe “elimination” is a good metaphor for the entire show, but I digress), so if you want to mock/bitch/scream in comments, we’ll be here! See ya!

A Badder April Fool’s Day

basil strikes again!

(along with some of the Bad Example extended family)

And, uh, sorry…I’m kinda ~~lazy~~ busy today, in case you were expecting an April Fool’s joke from me.
(I have a stupid farkin’ bridal shower, of all things, that I have to go to–and no, that’s not an April Fool’s joke. Thanks, Mom.)

UPDATE: OMG LOL!!!!! Totally cute geeks!!! Too pretty!

UPDATE 2: Liberal Avenger has seen the light!!! (h/t Appletree)

This is perfect for bloggers

You know, I’ve always had this mental picture of bloggers (I’m not one, of course, I just happen to have one) being pale, malnourished, sleep-deprived chain-smokers. (No, that IS NOT me. Only partially.)

But look! No more pallor! No more risk of rickets or osteoporosis! It’s a USB tanning center!

stein hoist digg

April Foolishness

Technorati list of April Fool’s stuff

April Fool’s 2005 at the Museum of Hoaxes

April Fool’s for geeks

I’ll probably update with more later…

King of April Fool’s Day

I hereby crown*

basil

King of April Fool’s Day!

*(because I can)

Round the Reader

Ummm…oops, I farked up (again) and forgot it was my day for Round the Reader posting. What can I say, I don’t have a job and my daughter’s on spring break so I didn’t pay attention to what day of the week it is.

So, in lieu of a REAL RTR post, if you really want to see all the stuff I’ve been reading today, go HERE.

For the rest of the week’s RTR roundups, see these:

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