Agent Bedhead | MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

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Bono and David Bowie Starring In “More Dangerous Than They Appear”

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Hey Man, Nice Shot

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President George W. Bush, who my daughter refers to as “President Dubby,” delivered a speech during a “No Child Left Behind” reauthorization at Harlem Village Academy Charter School.

We’re not sure who took this picture, but my instincts tell me that it just might be the doing of Glenn Reynolds’ stellar photog skills.

Celebrity Republicans That Need To Go: Britney Spears

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Britney Spears is a crotch-flashing, boozing, drugging, clueless idiot with no concept of reality:

“Through her immature antics, Spears has probably done more to undermine sexual morality than all the misguided legislation introduced in the United States over the last decade. It would be the height of hypocrisy for a party that claims to represent wholesome values to celebrate her.”

Please forgive my brevity today at MyVRWC, but just this morning, I became a first-time aunt, and now I must dash off to the hospital. Yay!

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Can I Just Give My Opinion On This American Idol Stuff?

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. . . and we now conclude our pictorial critique of western popular culture. Tune in tomorrow when Agent Bedhead will artistically fry an egg on Brad Pitt’s stomach.

Celebrity Republicans That Need To Go: Mel Gibson

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Let us now name the reasons why Mel Gibson revolts our sensibilities:

Mel has confessed to feeling a kinship with Michael Moore and enjoyed the film “Fahrenheit 9/11″ for whatever reason.
He has spoken out against the Iraqi war.
Gibson blasted Frank Rich by declaring “I want to kill him. I want his intestines on a stick. I want to kill his dog.”
In addition, Mel delights in directing and producing blatantly anti-Semitic and racist films, including The Passion Of The Christ and Apocalypto.
During a DUI stop, Gibson launched into an anti-Semitic rant and referred to a female officer as “Sugar Tits”.

This discussion could go on forever, but I think we’ve heard enough. Mel Gibson, get out of the Republican party!

The Pope Still Wears Prada

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Pope Benedict XVI recently visited Pavia University in Italy, and hot damn, look at those shoes. Does the Pope have a stylist or are these smooth grooves coming straight off the cuff, so to speak?

Noticably missing from the Pope’s cache are the ubiquitous Gucci sunglasses, which assumedly were forgotten back at The Vatican. Never scrimp when it comes to avoiding eye contact with ultraviolet rays, that’s what I always say.

Celebrity Republicans That Need To Go: Vincent Gallo

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Since I normally blog about inane celebrities and have essentially lost my prior knowledge of the political realm, combining the two topics seemed prudent. As such, this week will see a series of five celebrities, who call themselves conservatives, that should leave the party. Immediately.

To kick things off, let us discuss the particular loathsome qualities of one Vincent Gallo.

Vincent Gallo yearns for the misogynic and racist days of yore:

What happened to New York? Remember the old days when a girl like Connecticut Chloe Sevigny would be lucky to blow for a living? David LaChapelle was just an average, purse-snatching, faggot busboy, coke-whore, cleaning up Studio 54?

Vincent Gallo doesn’t care about the disabled:

Let’s talk about how ridiculous handicap parking is.

Vincent Gallo only cares about Vincent Gallo:

The best interview of Vincent Gallo was done by Vincent Gallo. The best articles about Vincent Gallo were written by Vincent Gallo, the best acting performance of Vincent Gallo was directed and edited by Vincent Gallo from a screenplay written by Vincent Gallo, even the best photographs of Vincent Gallo were taken by Vincent Gallo

Vincent Gallo seeks to rewrite the rules of geography:

Real Italians are from Buffalo…

Vincent Gallo put a curse on film critic Roger Ebert

A war of words erupted between Gallo and popular critic Roger Ebert in 2003 regarding the latter’s negative criticism of The Brown Bunny at the Cannes Film Festival. Ebert wrote that The Brown Bunny was “the worst film in the history of Cannes,” and Gallo retorted by calling Ebert a “fat pig with the physique of a slave trader.” Ebert then responded, paraphrasing a statement once made by Winston Churchill that “although I am fat, one day I will be thin, but Mr. Gallo will still have been the director of The Brown Bunny.” Gallo then put a hex on Ebert’s colon, cursing the critic with cancer. Roger Ebert then replied that viewing a video of his colonoscopy would be more entertaining than watching The Brown Bunny.

Vincent Gallo is still attempting a career as a male escort:

For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing.

Vincent Gallo is no pal of Paypal

Gallo has told Page Six that he’s no longer able to accept PayPal, because the company had some sort of objection to being involved in prostitution or something totally nutty like that. “They are really fascists. They should breathe some death gas or something.”

And if you’re just not in the market for some lovin’, then perhaps Vincent Gallo’s sperm will seem a bargain:

Vincent Gallo’s Sperm $1 Million. Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free.

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Unfortunately, Vincent Gallo’s sperm is not guaranteed a freak-free state. Get out of the Republican party!

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Let’s Get This Party Started

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Former President Clinton gave some sort of speech at the Ninth Annual National Action Network Convention at the New York Sheraton Hotel on April 19, 2007. I’m not quite sure what “Ladies’ Man” move he was demonstrating at this particular moment, but I could make a few edumacated guesses.