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On Mothers Day, those 4 little words

Sarah heard the distant cry of her daughter in her bedroom. She opened her eyes, to the sight of darkness. No light meant the middle of the night. “I’m never going to get any sleep.” It was the third time Leslie had cried out. The first two times Sarah went to her room only to find her back to sleep when she got there. This time she wasn’t getting out of bed. Her husband snored next to her. She rolled over and nudged him. “Your turn” she whispered. His snore didn’t change. She pushed him again and his snore broke for a moment and continued. She waited for a moment, hoping the crying would stop. The cries tapered off and faded out. Sarah waited a few minutes lying still as she could, as if her rolling back over would reawaken her daughter. No more sounds came from Leslie’s room. Sarah rolled back over to sleep and was met face to face with her little girl standing at her bedside. Startled, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Stifling a shriek, she mumbled to her little girl, “What is it sweetie?” The teary broken-voiced reply was “I have to potty”. Checking her frustration, she mumbled “Go ahead. You don’t have to ask for that. Just do it sweetie.” Leslie turned and staggered off to the bathroom. As she walked away, Sarah called a little louder “Thank you for not peeing the bed sweetie”. Leslie made no reply as her tiny five year old body walked around the corner to the bathroom. While Sarah waited for the flush that never came, she fitfully drifted back to sleep.

The alarm ripped her from her dreams and woke her up with a start. Sarah sat up and hit the off button on the alarm clock. The space where her husband snored the night away was empty. She pulled her robe over her pajamas and staggered off to the kitchen to get the kids ready for school. She deflected off the door frame as she entered the kitchen. Rubbing her shoulder, she saw Leslie already at the table. “GOOD MORNING MOMMY!” she shouted in a voice that was all too perky for someone who woke mommy in the middle of the night. Sarah smiled weakly and inquired about breakfast. “I want cereallllll!” boomed that same all too loud happy voice.

Jake bounded in and grabbed the bread for toast. “Hey mom!” Looking at Leslie “Hey lizard!” He popped 2 slices in and grabbed the jelly out of the refrigerator and waited. Leslie’s reply was immediate. “I’m not a lizard. You are!”
Jake fired back “L!-O!-S!-E!-R! LOOOOOSSSSSEEERRRR”
“MOM! Jake is calling me names again!”
“I am not!”
“You called me a loser!”
“No I didn’t”
“And you called me a lizard”
“Nope, don’t think so”
“Did too”
“Not”
“MOM!”

Sarah stared out her kitchen window as they battled. She was already exhausted from the night and now frustration was building. “JAKE! Knock it off!”
Jake fired one more quiet “loser” as he turned to his toast. Leslie muttered back “you are”. Their new battle was interrupted by Sarah who seemed to be talking her herself while looking out the window.

“Have kids they said. Yeah, have kids. It’s so much fun. Beh! I could be on a cruise right now with all the money I would have saved. Yeah, a cruise. I would look out over the ocean. There it is. Hi ocean. Pretty ocean. Oh, look! There’s a dolphin. Hi dolphin. Yes, swim dolphin, swim. Pretty, pretty dolphin. You did a dolphin flip for me. Thank you! How pretty. Look, there’s an island too. What? It’s time for my massage? Tell Fabio I’ll be right there. Pretty, pretty Fabio. Pretty, pretty ocean…”

Vickie barged through the kitchen, book bag in one hand, keys in the other. “Hi mom, bye mom. Love you mom.”
Sarah left her happy place and glanced over just in time to see Vickie scurry past trying to get out without being seen. “Freeze missy!” Vickie stopped, grunted and sighed. She turned to look at Sarah and grunted again. “Yes? I’m in a hurry.”
Jake and Leslie, who were still giggling about mom’s “cruise”, started to laugh. Sarah looked at her daughter, dressed more for a night out than school.
“Um, I don’t think that is quite what the school has in mind when they say dress appropriately.”
Vickie put her best whine voice on, “MOM! Jason’s going to be there and I want to look nice.”
“Yeah, nice. OK. That dress doesn’t say ‘I look nice’. That dress screams ‘I’m an all you can eat Vickie buffet’. It’s not nice. It’s desperate. Besides, what happened to Charles?”
“You never pay attention to me. Charlie was 2 boyfriends ago.”
“Well, can you stay with one long enough for me to be able to say hi to him?”
Vickie smiled an impish grin. She turned so her side was to Sarah and informed her “You’re just jealous that *I* get the boys now because my butt’s tight and yours ain’t right.” Then she turned her chest to her mom, shook it and rhymed “And you don’t have, these no more, ‘cause yours are draggin’ on the floor! HA!”
Sarah fired back “Yeah and it’s your fault too. Go on, get out of here. I’m too tired to argue”
Vickie snatched up her books again and took off.
Turning to a giggling Jake and Leslie she informed “What are you laughing at, you did this to me too”. They laughed harder.
As Vickie left Sarah made one final plea “Just make sure you change that before your dad gets home. His heart is bad enough”
Vickie bolted out the door with a “Love you mom” trailing off.

The faint rev of a car motor startled Sarah out of her reminiscence. Of all the times to lose her thoughts, why now? And why a memory from 26 years ago? Leslie waking her up and then getting the kids ready for school? Where did that come from? She heard the engine stop. Looking into the mirror, she saw her unprepared face. The lines and creases that had long ago replaced the glow of her youth seemed to stare back at her more than ever. Her frustration started to boil up. It was the second time in an hour that she lost her thoughts. The first time, the burning of her breakfast snapped her out. It was happening more and more. Why could she could not keep her thoughts anymore? Why could she not concentrate on anything? She had faded out for too long and now there was no time to get ready. Her mind raced. She had no makeup, no hair fixed, nothing. She thought of the kids. Everyone was going to be so angry with her. She slammed down her brush and grabbed a tissue to fight the tears. Her hands shook as she blotted her eyes. Jake opened the front door. “MOM?” Sarah made no reply. Jake entered the house. His two toddlers bounded in behind him and bolted to the TV room with their mom to wait for Grandma. Jake walked to his mom’s room and looked in the open door. She turned to face him. She didn’t need to speak. He could see her pain and sadness. “I’m, I’m not ready yet.” Jake ignored the clock that said he was late. He smiled gently and reassured her. “It’s ok mom. We’re a bit early today. Take your time.” He walked up to her.
“It’s going to be a while. I have no makeup on, my hair isn’t done. I, I just can’t…”
Jake touched his mom’s cheek. “You look great momma. Your hair is fine. Come here”
He wrapped his arms around her while she sobbed softly into his shoulder.
“I love you mommy. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you. So will Leslie and Vickie.”
Sarah’s heart lightened and her tears stopped. She held the embrace as tight as she could.
The sound of another car announced Leslie’s arrival. Jake broke the embrace and stepped behind his mother to help her work on her hair. Lunch would be a bit late, but that was ok.

Mothers give of themselves all through your life. She gave you her life’s energy when you were in her womb. You sapped her strength when you learned to walk and started to grow. You tried her patience more each day as you grew older and decided you knew more. When you moved out, her heart went with you and her thoughts were on you often. After you moved away, you realized how smart, wise and patient she really was. You were amazed at how she ran a household while you and your siblings tried every angle to get your way. All these things weren’t for money or fame or accolades. They were done for love and the memories. Every line in her face is a memory that made her smile. Every grey hair is a memory of a moment that tried her patience. But it’s all part of being a mom and the one thing that drives her to do it are those four little words. When they are spoken with sincerity and honesty, they soothe bad moods and calm turmoil filled hearts. The four little words that mom spoke to make it all better for us, makes it all worth it for her as well. No one knows how long she’ll be with you. Now that she is older, she needs your love and your patience and your help as much as you can. So today and every day possible, make sure you tell her those four words that heal and warm her heart. They mean more than any flowers or card ever could.

I love you mommy.

Happy Mothers Day

AI Execution. Please off them all

Well, after tonight, we have only 2 weeks and 4 shows to go. Wow, time flies fast. Here’s hoping that one of the dudes go. I’m not big on syesha, but at least she has a nice enough bahonkis to crush on for a while…

AI’s Final 4

Which of course is not nearly as exciting as say the NCAA’s final 4 or hockey’s final 4 or the national booger pickers final 4 or really, nearly any final 4 on the planet. But we have to be there as is our sentence. Come heckle with us…

a steaming pile of obama part 2

Hey, Edwardsina, where the heck are you? Dang it. 4 hours at the hair dresser. I’ve had it. She’s going to pay. This week, I’m taking care of that.

Sorry boss. Traffic was terrible. The limo was stuck in traffic.

Yeah, traffic. Right. Let’s continue our list of fun facts about Obama and see what we come up with. Last we talked to you, we were summarizing Obama up. In short, he’s a lefty super hero. They marvel at him. So do I. I want to know how he defies the laws of physics. He sucks and blows at the same time! If this is the best the Dems have to offer, then they will never again see the inside of the Oval Office without a tour reservation.

Good one boss! That was hilarious. Me Next!

He makes things up like Hillary does:

Obama was making fun of Hillary’s “Sniper fire landing” that never happened. Fair enough. It was stupid and a lie and she deserved ridicule. However, at a speech in Selma last year, he thanked and praised the Kennedy’s because JFK had a program that brought people from Kenya to America to study. In an attempt to suck up to the illegal immigrant community, he said his dad was one of those Kenyans and when he got here, he never left. He overstayed like the other illegals did. Later, he met and married Barack’s mom and they had Barack. Only one problem: Obama’s dad was here a full year before that program started. Oops! I guess he’ll have to unsear that one from his memory, eh?

Wow, that was good Edwardsina. I’m shocked you thought of that. Let’s continue.

He will negotiate with hostile regimes without preconditions:

In a debate, he said “If we think that meeting with the president is a privilege that has to be earned, I think that reinforces the sense that we stand above the rest of the world at this point in time” Hey, guess what? WE DO stand above the rest of the world! The USA stands for things like freedom and individual rights and the ability to choose what kind of life you want. Whether it is a life of work and success or a life of slacking off, welfare and poverty, you get to make yourself what you want. You can go from a nothing to a millionaire in this country. This country is generous to people inside of it and outside its borders. This country cares about freedom around the world. That makes us better than tin pot dictators. We are better than the rest. That’s why the line to get in is a heck of a lot longer then the one getting out. That doesn’t mean all Americans are better than all others. We have some big time losers too (one is named Barack). However, America is better than the rest. Being better, we have to stand for something in the world. We have to make sure people who get face time with the president are people we want to promote. Simply put, a picture with a president is worth a 1000 guns. If we meet with a butcher like the leaders of Iran or Syria, we make them legitimate in the eyes of their people. If we meet with them, we say the terrible treatment of their people by them is legitimate. We cannot do that when they stand for everything we are against. We have to have standards and we must keep them. So yes, it is a privilege to meet the president and it needs to stay that way. That means no meeting with our enemies unless strict pre-conditions are met. Heck, even Hillary knows that. Sheesh.

Think about what he is thinking when he says “It reinforces the sense that we stand above the rest of the world.” What his logic says is that we are not and should not strive to be superior. Therefore we are inferior or mediocre. Hey, Barack, by your own logic, if being superior is so bad, are you going to strive to be an inferior and mediocre president? Look, some people are good at football. Some are bad at it. Some are really good and are superior at it. We reward excellence. The best get big contracts. The rest watch them on TV. It’s the same with countries. Some are good in the world, some aren’t. What he is saying is that we should not be excellent, and we are not excellent, and we should not demand it from others. Therefore we are no better than the thugs. That is wrong. But the ironic twist is this: if not for this great nation being superior and being the one that everyone wants to get into, Barack’s dad would never have come here and Barack would be sitting on a dirt floor in a grass hut with flies crawling all over him in the middle of Kenya. But hey, the Whitehouse isn’t anything better, right Barack?

Later we’ll delve into Barack’s crime beliefs. Let’s just say they are scary as heck. Here’s one example: In Illinois, a lot of cities have banned guns. You flat out can’t own them. Gee go figure, the crime rates in these cities skyrocketed. Well, to combat the onslaught, a lot of citizens kept their guns and didn’t turn them in. People would defend their homes, and after the police collected the bad guys, they then arrested the home owners for having the gun. In some cities, it was a felony, in others a misdemeanor. The state government stepped in and decided to consolidate the laws. A new state law was proposed that would make it only a misdemenor for defending you in your home if handguns were banned in that city. Obama voted against it and for making it a felony to defend yourself with a gun. So someone kicks in your door and you defend yourself with a gun, you become a felon. It doesn’t matter what the person wanted to do to you. You are a felon and could be going to jail. Barack’s world view: thugs, criminals and dictators are great, you suck now pay the government more. This guy should be an easy win when this stuff hits the news media.

But that’s the problem isn’t it. The media won’t print these inconvenient truths. They are covering for this guy and we will have to embarrass them into doing their job. To show you what we’re up against, here’s a little media research. Here is an apple to apple comparison on how the media is treating Obama different from everyone else. Back when the Republicans were having their nomination process and it looked like Romney had a chance to win the nomination, there were over 200 stories in the press on how Romney’s grandfather and great grandfather had many wives and how would that shape Romney’s world view. Romney actually had to address that and point out that he is married to one woman and was never even divorced. However, only one paper has bothered to mention that Obama’s FATHER had many wives as did his grandfather. For some reason that isn’t important and won’t impact Barack’s views. I guess they expect democrats to be slime. Look, I know people shouldn’t be tied to their fathers, but in this case, the media wants it both ways. One way for Romney the republican, the other for Barack the democrat.

We’re in for a fight this year, so donate to those 527’s and let’s get to the blood letting. God Bless you and God Bless America! Good night!

love in the air

I popped this up during the AI chat last week. Beth thought it worthy of an imbed so here it is.

Remember though, it is better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with some freaking psycho for the rest of your life…

Cheers!

AI Final 5 perform Neil Diamond

Neil Diamond is here this week. The dinosaurs just keep coming…

Thank you President Carter

Jimmy Carter loves thugs and dictators. If you regularly violate human rights and torture, murder, maim, imprison or otherwise destroy ordinary people then by all means, President Carter is your friend. He decides that since Hamas is so good at this, he would go chat with them to see how he can help them feel good about themselves.

Now, I really haven’t seen much of this in the news about Carter’s trip to see Hamas and it really isn’t surprising that the news media is ignoring it. Here’s why: Earlier this week, Carter defended his trip to see Hamas. He said he failed to convince them to stop shelling Hamas for a month. Note, not stop shelling period, no, just for a month. So it’s ok to kill Jews, as long as you wait a month? Is that it Mr. Carter?

So when Carter got there, they negotiate and agree to peace for 10 years as long as Israel agrees to the pre-war borders. Carter comes out and announces a big win. However, during the very next meeting, Hamas launches the biggest attack in about 5 years. Killing 3 soldiers and hurting a child. They did this is during the meeting, while Carter is sitting there with the top terrorist. He was totally oblivious to what is happening. Hamas then comes out and contradicts everything Carter said after the first meeting.

That’s not the worst of Carter’s woes. Hamas, as you know, is a puppet of Iran. What do you think led the Iranian news (and news stations all through the Middle East) that night. Carter, shaking hands with Mr. Hamas-boss super-imposed with the details of the new attack. Carter was used. He was pulled off the roll, used to wipe and then flushed. Carter, by virtue of being an ex pres, has credibility. When he is seen with a group like Hamas, he gives them legitimacy. He gives them the pictures they need to coerce people. “The U.S. is on OUR side, you better obey or you’ll disappear with their blessings”. Carter either didn’t realize this or he didn’t care. The State Dept has a study that shows that terrorist groups like to launch their biggest attacks while “negotiating” for peace. It was standard operating procedure here and Carter swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Carter was reduced to a stammering “I did my best, yada yada yada…” and looks like a complete fool.

So, why do I say thank you to him? Why has the news media pretty much ignored this? Simple. Barack Obama says he wants to negotiate with Hamas. He says he’ll meet with them without pre-conditions. Thank you Jimmy Carter. You just showed us what the real world does to a hippie fantasy. We can now point at your abject failure to show what a failure Obama WILL be. His biggest foreign policy plank, meet with people that we used to refuse to meet with, is now toast. Every time he suggests it, we can hang Carter around his neck and sink him. This hippie “sing cumbaya and talk” junk does not work with thugs. We knew that. Now, more people will know it too. We just need to keep reminding them. So thank you President Carter. You showed what a fool you are, and by extension, what a fool Obama is.

a steaming pile of obama part 1

Come on Edwardsina! Let’s go!

Coming boss! Just had to fix the hair up!

For pity sake. Why did I listen to my advisors? Grab Edwardsina, they said. She will get more women voters they said. And what do I have? A girly VP who prisses hair for 3 hours, owns a 10000 square foot dog house while talking about the homeless and is as useless as a kick stand on a tank.

Ok, let’s do this! Here I am! Do you need me to faint?

What took you? We were supposed to start this hours ago.

Hey! My hair needed some more spray! I love my hair! This time, we recorded it so I can watch it over and over! Here’s a freeze frame of the movie. Look at me. I’m so cute!

Come on! Say it!
I am pretty! Oh so pretty!
And so much better than youuuuuu!
I will pretend, to like you,
if that’s what I must doooooooo!
I talk about the poor, from the front door
of my big huge houuuusseee!
My supporters fall, for it all
because they’re dumber than a mouuuussseee!

Ugh! Just sit down. Next time I’m selecting Leedoberman as VP.

So I am wading through all that we have discovered about Obama. Here’s what we know about him.

His circle of friends and socialites hate everyone:

1. His wife is a die hard socialist. She hates America. She has never been proud of this great country. Of course, you hicks in the sticks can gain her ever needed pride and acceptance if you elect Barack. Isn’t that nice of her? This from the woman who was complaining about how hard it was to pay off her college loans. Hey, Michelle, you went to an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL! You were making 121000 between you and Barack as early as 1995! That had increased to 360000 in 2005. You couldn’t scrimp and save enough from 29000 per month to make a monthly student loan payment? You could have gone to a state school. You could have used that 360k per year better. But no, you wasted your money and overspent on your college. Then you cry and complain about how unfair it is that America expects you to pay for your college loans! And we should trust you and your husband with the national budget… why?

Seriously folks, this lady is as appetizing as the corn morsels that wind up in the toilet the day after the family goes on a picnic. As late as April 17th on the Obama website she was whining on how she wakes up every morning wondering how she’ll get through the day. Michelle, you and hubby are making over a million a year with the book sales and all. You can’t make it through the day on 3K per day? Who do you think you are, Paris Hilton? She’s beginning to make Hillary look classy.

2. Before Wright, there was Rev. Meeks! Another white hating, Jew hating, America hating, socialist “spiritual advisor” to Obama. Check out this clip. Look at what this “rev” wears while delivering sermons.

What a maroon! So we rail against whitey while wearing the shirt of one of the whitest superheroes ever? Hmmm. Stupid much? He’s another of those “preachers” that was a day to day advisor for Obama. Of course, I’m sure Obama would be surprised to hear this sermon though. Right? He wasn’t in church that Sunday either I’m sure.

3. Then, of course, there is Rev Wright! All those anti-white and anti-Jew sermons and Barack says he never heard one of them? Did he ever attend church? Or is he like Clinton who only showed up after getting caught with his pants down or other times he needed cover? Still, let’s pretend he didn’t see any of those nasty sermons. He still received his church’s newsletters. Every one of them had the same anti-white and anti-Jew hate strewn through it. One issue published a tirade by a leader of Hamas and called the Hamas charter that called for killing all Jews the same as the Declaration of Independence! Yeah, kill the Jews sounds just like “endowed by their Creator”.

Now, my favorite newsletter edition was the one where Wright talked about the Jew bomb. The one the Israelis and South Africans were working on. The one that the explosion would somehow tell if you were black or Arab and kill you. If you were Jewish or white, it would leave you alone. HAHAHA! Get the tinfoil hats! And I thought the US had some cool smart bombs. This guy is a serious idiot. I mean, come on, you actually believe this stuff? I have to take him snipe hunting.

Now, Obama says he never heard the sermons. But here’s the thing. He’s a liar. 60 Minutes did an expose on Wright and Obama. They showed Obama the clips! He looked at them! He said, “I don’t think my church is particularly controversial”. The very clips he said he never saw and was saddened by, he was shown! He saw the comments and he blew them off! Then all heck breaks out and he is suddenly “Well I have never seen those, but I am saddened by them”. Slick liar. Clinton part 2 here we come.

4. Then there is Merrill McPeak. He says that all the problems in the middle east are because of the Jews in Miami and New York! Nice! Another Jew hater! Who is Merrill McPeak? Well, that would be Obama’s military advisor. The one who says that we should go talk to Hamas and that giving them what they want will make them all better! You go boy! He denies he said it now, but he’s a democrat. Lies are second nature to them. Besides there were witnesses and there are tapes/videos.

5,6… Terrorists ties are nothing new to him either. We all know about Ayers. The Weather Underground Marxist terrorist who did 10 years in jail for a single bombing intended to kill soldiers. He did over 25 bombings but was only prosecuted on the one. He has said that his only regret was he did not get more. In fact he said that gem right after September 11th. He’s in Obama’s circle of friends. Now Obama says never exchanged ideas on a regular basis. Regular basis? Somehow that’s better than exchanging ideas with a terrorist on a non-regular basis? ANY exchange with a terrorist should be unacceptable. When confronted, Obama said, he’s an English professor. Uh, yeah and Hitler is a dude who wrote a book, right?

So we know about Ayers, but what about Rashid Kalhidi? He is critic of Israel and worked with PLO while it was involved in anti-west terrorism. He worked with it while it was labeled by state department as terrorist group. He’s also a board member of the Woods Fund. A liberal non profit who assisted the Arab American Action League and we know what wonderful moderates they are. World net daily quotes Rashide Khalidi:
“supports obama because he is the only candidate that has expressed sympathy for the Palestinian cause.”

So let’s review. His wife is a white hating, America hating socialist. His first “religious advisor” was a white hating, Jew hating, America hating socialist. His current spiritual advisor is a white hating, Jew hating, America hating socialist. His congregation is a white hating, Jew hating, America hating bunch of socialists. Then there is his Jew hating military advisor. His America and Jew hating terrorist friends and so on and so on. Everyone around him is like this, but somehow, he isn’t? Um, yeah. Sure. This guy surrounds himself with the most vile hate filled obnoxious people and we’re supposed to believe the somehow he isn’t like them. Believe that and you’ll believe that the steaming pile of Obama I dropped outside is a steak dinner.

This is just the surface people. Just the surface.

Last election, the Canine party had 4 votes. Those came from blind people in Palm County Florida whose guide dogs “altered” the ballot a bit. We need your vote to beat that. Please consider dropping Obama for the Canine party this year. Seriously. I may be dumb dachshund/beagle, but I would make a much better president than Obama!

Thank you and God Bless America.

Cool, are we done?

Yeah, until the next one.

Ok, off to the stylist! I’m so pretty, oh so pretty and so much better than….

from the mouth of a child

So, an adorable 3 year old kid is talking about monsters in the TV and sums up the war on terror in a nutshell. She seems to grasp the general theory of defending oneself better than the libtard democrats. Language warning. Observe:

Sub terrorists/enemies for monsters and you have it. So why don’t the democrats understand this? If you don’t get the monster first, the monster will get you…

After watching, check out the “Charlie bit me” that comes up in the thumbnails after the video. Funny has heck.

AI Results. 7 cut down to 6

Dial Idol says B3 are Carly, Brooke and Syesha with Syesha going home.

I am jedi master Obama…

A funny Obama parody. It would be funnier if it wasn’t so close to the truth…

today’s Eeewwww post, or someone has too much time on their hands…

So I am listening to my local radio station when the news comes up and tells of a 100 dollar cup of coffee. Dang, and I thought Starbucks was freaking snobby. Are you kidding me? So why is the coffee a hundred dollars a cup? Well, because there are only a few hundred pounds of beans harvested a year. From an animal’s poop. The animal is called a civet and they dig through it’s poop to get the coffee beans. Here’s the story of the origination of civet coffee as it was written a long time ago:

“Mr. Chung, we at the Democrat National Committee want to thank you for all the money you are laundering for us. BTW, I’m sorry about this, but one of the Peta folks brought a bunch of monkeys and one of them is currently humping your cat. It should finish soon and we’ll be on our way”

“FINISH? Heck no! Get that thing off my cat!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Chung, but we progressives never judge. If the monkey and cat want to have at it, then who are we to say they can’t. Nothing is wrong, except for missionary style heterosexual sex of course. Stupid conservatives. That’s just so old fashioned and wrong. Ah, here comes Mr. Greene, the Peta rep. Is your monkey finished?”

“Well, yes, with the first one, but then the other monkeys found other cats and well, now it’s a cat/monkey orgy”

“Horry Clap, stop them!”

“Mr. Chung, these are animals. They have more rights than you or I. Besides, I can assure you, by personal experience, those monkeys are very good..I mean gentle. Yeah, very gentle, and soft, and understanding and… excuse me a minute.”

“Where he go? What about my cats?”

“That Blane, he’s so progressive! Don’t worry, Blane always uses protection…”

Months pass and soon Hillary runs low on cash again. It’s what happens when a racist, bigoted, socialist empty suit is handing you your head in the primaries by saying bunch of feel good nothings. “Mr. Smith” from the DNC returns to see Mr. Chung. “What the heck are all of those, Mr. Chung?”

“Civets. It’s ancient tongue for retarded liberal monkey freak’s offspring. Your Peta-freak’s monkey had kids”

“You didn’t get them abortions? Come on, what kind of progressive are you?”

At that point, one of the Peta monkeys gets loose and grabs a pile of poo and hurls it at it’s owner.
“Ow, Floofa, that one had rocks in it! Stop that! You don’t want a time out now do you?”

Then Blane looked at his water and one of the rocks of pooh had landed in it. The water was turning brown.

“Hey, Smith, come here! I have an idea. We can make coffee out of the rocks in this pooh. We can call it something like Americanos. Quick, dig through the pooh in the yard! Get the hard pieces. We’ll open a coffee shop in New York! Think about it!”

“Blane, do you really think people will buy it?”

“Come on! They buy carbon offsets. They believed that it was ‘all about sex’. We have people thinking Hillary and Barack are qualified. Yeah, I think we can sell them coffee made from pooh.”

And so it goes, every year, people gather the pooh of the Civet and dig through for the coffee beans to make the 100 dollar cup of coffee.

There you go. The start of the 100 dollar cup of coffee. What, you don’t believe me? Then you explain to me how it is that someone basically said, “Hey, let’s make a cup of coffee out of that animals pooh”. An animal that is a cross between a cat and a monkey. For the life of me, I can’t figure it out.

AI down to 7

Good bye poopy, hopefully!

UPDATE by Beth: Sorry I missed it! My new teevee arrived late and I was busy setting it up–I just got it going as Aussie was finishing his goodbye song.

So WTF, AI voters? Poopy is still around? Bah. You suck.

A 2 year old imitates a democrat

The other day, my wife shows me a video. Some of you have probably seen this. When I was watching it, the first thing that came to mind is that this kid represents the Hillary voters perfectly. His brother is hurt and pretty much all he says is “blood” and “not funny”! When you watch it, think of the Hillary voters. They expected her to be coronated. They expected everyone, including the Republicans, to lie down for her. Suddenly a newbie bloodies her up and hands her head to her on a platter and all the poor Hillabots can do is point to poor Hillary and say BLOOD! It’s a perfect representation. Lefties are immature, have the mentality of a 2 year old and usually can only repeat simple one liners. Anyway, watch this and laugh at the Hildabeast. The kid is so stinking cute it’s worth it for that alone. The dad laughs and the kid gets mad at him. Think of that as the Repubs laughing at the Hildabots and their reactions.

The owner has disabled embedding, so go and watch it here.

Too Funny!

I take you table to be my lawfully wedded, um wedded.

Ok, off topic humor post. From one of my football blogs, here is a link on an Ohio resident arrested for doing the nasty with his picnic table. Repeatedly. Not just once. Here’s a sample:

Now, I really think highly of my couch. And sometimes my armoire just looks at me like it wants it. But so far, I’ve resisted those urges we all have to just let our passions run wild with the furniture. And while I’ve heard some guys say, in their more vulgar moments, “Gee, I’d like to bend her over the table,” I’ve never heard — as drunk as any of them have been — “Gee, I’d like to bend over my picnic table.“

Stop on by the Michigan Zone and check it out. Yost is a pretty funny writer and does a “bang up” job on this. Check out the ladies comments in the comment section. Funnier still.

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