coming soon to a divorce court near you!
Meet Google Latitude! Now you and your “friends” can know where each other are any time! Yeah, right. You know exactly where this is going. As soon as wifey/girlfriend finds out, the schemes will begin. You just think your inquisitor is “curious” now. Just wait until this conversation happens: “Hey honey! Look at this. Now instead of calling you to see when you are going to be home, I can just use this to see where you are! I don’t have to bother you!” Um, yeah. You see, at this point, you’re screwed. Seriously. I know the lame marketing excuses for this are coming. You can “Track your teen!” You can “Keep tabs on you pet!” Yes, they suggested that. But that’s all B.S. It’s a man tether. An ankle bracelet you put on a husband you want to track. First, just try to say, “No honey, I’m not getting that for my phone. Never speak of it again”. The next time you balance that checkbook, you’ll see several thousand dollars in private investigators trying to find what you are hiding as well as initial fees to divorce lawyers.
She will sell this as “a way we can keep in touch”, but let me give you the reality. Here are some sample phone calls.
RRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!
You: “Hello?”
Her in a snappy voice: “You’re on sixth street. Why are you on 6th street?”
“I’m going to the store, like I said”
“I keep telling you that 5th street is faster. You should have taken 5th. Hang a right and get on 5th.”
“6th is just fine. It takes me right to the front.”
“Oh, so I don’t know how to drive? I don’t know directions? I’m stupid? That’s what you are saying?”
“Um, No, I just prefer 6th”
“Oh, I know why, there are cute women on 6th aren’t there?”
“No, 6th is a 4 lane road with no sidewalks. There are no people walking here.”
“Oh, so I’m stupid again huh? You think I don’t know what the roads look like? Get your butt on 5th”
“I like 6th”
“I knew my mother was right. I should have married Jared or Frank…”
and it gets worse from there.
OR how about this bunch of fun!
“You went down Elm and stopped for 15 minutes! Who is on Elm?”
“I stopped by a co-workers house to get some stuff for a meeting tomorrow.”
“Is she pretty? Huh? Is she? Is she? Tell me you swivel necked bastard. Is she cute?”
“No, HE is not.”
“I’ll bet his wife is. That’s why you had to go over there isn’t it?”
“He’s single.”
“Oh, his girlfriend then. You’re trying to check her out aren’t you.”
“No, his girlfriend wasn’t there”
“How did you know. Do you know where she is? Is she on your Latitude too? Hmmm?”
“No, I went into the house when he got the papers for me. She wasn’t there.”
“And you were disappointed weren’t you?”
and we spirial to the death wish from there…
Or just as bad
“You stopped by the corner of 5th and Elm. WHY?”
“I needed gas.”
“I’m here with the kids and trying to get dinner going and needing some things and you have the gall to stop and get gas when you and I both know you had at least a quarter tank Mr. ‘there is still gas in the tank’ when it is below the ‘E’ and I have to tell you that I won’t help push when we run out so you will get some freaking gas and you want me to believe that you were just getting some gas on your way home for once when I just know, I just know you were just delaying because you don’t want to help me here you just want everything done for you and you take your sweet and inconsiderate time getting here to make sure I have to do everything myself I knew I should have made you get that tracker earlier you won’t get away with this again you better get your butt home immediately after work from now on and no more stopping for alleged gas…”
Then she’ll take a breath and continue.
There is no other way to put this. This is just enabling high tech nagging. So guys, when she asks you to get this, just hand her the keys to the house and get a hotel room. Only a nagging psycho would want this for her man and any dude who wants it for his wife is someone who will eventually have a restraining order out in his name. And bachelors, don’t think you’re off the hook. Just say no to that girlfriend. See what happens when you call her next time. Death to Google Latitude Longitude!
Buffoon says:
Good thing I own a tin foil suit…
Lord Bitememan says:
And people thought I was a throwback to the 1920s for refusing to own a cell phone. I told everyone that they would be erosive of your privacy, but did anyone listen? Now not only can they call you wherever you are, they can see wherever you are too. No thanks, I’ll take a ten mile hike on the highway when my engine dies over this sort of intrusiveness any day.
Mr270 says:
Good news! It doesn’t work with Palms (yet).
Safe for awhile. “Oh sounds great babe, but it won’t work with my phone and you know I got a deal on that 90 year contract”.
Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere says:
You make the mistake of assuming that only the wife/gf would find it useful.
Chris says:
No, I covered men too.
“any dude who wants it for his wife is someone who will eventually have a restraining order out in his name”
~ShyAsrai~ says:
Goes both ways, bud. Seems to me I’ve known quite a few men who would be happy to imprison their ‘women’.
This is only one step behind an ankle bracelet.
Chris says:
~ShyAsrai~: re-read what I said. I said it IS an ankle bracelet. Also, I said that any, and I mean ANY, man who want this is going to have a restraining order on him sooner or later. I’ll even go a step further. A man who wants this is either a wimpy metrosexual who should be shot or a stalker type who should be shot. No man should want this *and* the vast majority of us see this as it is. A leash for men.
Few men will want this. This is for the psychotic or insecure women who either want to know who he is with every waking moment or wants to control him so badly that calls 1-3 are common place. So it may go both ways, BUT, it goes a lot more the way I put it.