MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Obama: Investigate Bush’s role in Iowa Floods

• Posted by Chris on June 30th, 2008 filed in 2008 election, Barack Obama, Funny, General, Politics    

(BOAP) Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

A defiant Barack Obama lashed out against President Bush and what he called the failed policies of his administration. “I heard the terrible news about the barricades breaking and I am beside myself with sorrow for those who have lost everything. I bring a message of hope to those who have none and change for those who need it. At this time I think congress needs to conduct full hearings into what this administration has done to make this flood happen and to cause the barricades to fail.”

When pressed for specifics Senator Obama listed off a laundry list of investigative needs.

“Not only did this administration do nothing to stop this, they actively encouraged it. This was caused by global warming and could have been prevented if the administration had purchased carbon offsets to offset the pollution from that illegal war and occupation in Iraq. A war that I voted against, by the way. If he had just planted some trees and sent some ovens to poor countries where they are burning wood to cook, this would have been prevented.”

The Senator then railed against the Bush administration’s ties to the sand industry.

“The other crime here is that this president has not hired one single federal sand inspector despite my requesting he do so over the last several months. He has been too cozy with Big Sand and it’s time for a change. I will hire hundreds of new sand inspectors to ensure that our sand is made of the highest quality and I will use a windfall profits tax on Big Sand to fund it”.

When asked when he had made the request for inspectors, Senator Obama mentioned several off the record meetings that he wished he had proof of. He mentioned that since there is no proof, we will have to take his word for it. Having covered for him enough that there is no record of his ever telling a single lie in his entire life, it is expected that we can make people believe him this time too. When someone mentioned that sand is gathered from the desert and not created, Senator Obama dismissed the loser reporter as a shill for Big Sand.

The great senator continued: “Earlier today, I had heard that Vice President Cheney had giant ice bergs flown in from the Arctic Circle to add to the flood waters. Even though there is no proof, the charge demands full investigation. I will not allow ice bergs to be flown without carbon offsets and great care for polar bears and seals.”

When asked why giant ice bergs were used the senator again mentioned the administrations questionable and diabolical ties to the sand industry.

“If the barricades break, the people have to buy more sand. It’s a payoff to his friends in big sand and his oil friends foreign countries. He has allowed shipments of substandard sand to be imported from countries in the Middle East when we could be bagging sand from America. It needs to be investigated and when a link is found, they need to be impeached, removed and jailed.”

When asked why the administration would do this, Senator Obama noted that the hardest hit areas were largely African American. “He hates black people. Plain and simple. All Republicans do.” Chris Matthews who was in the room with the Senator could be heard agreeing “They were so black. So poor”.

When a heretic reporter mentioned the fact that there was fewer than 3 percent black people in the population, the omnipotent Senator Obama had him tased and removed from the room.

When another blasphemous reporter questioned how ice bergs could be flown in the summer and how the Vice President could have flown them since he had no pilot’s license and was being checked by doctors when the alleged ice bergs were being flown, the Senator retorted “Hey, I’ve answered like 3 questions already. I’m done. I said it, he did it and that’s it. I’m Barack Obama. You worship me and that’s all you need to know.” and left the room. Everyone kneeled as he left.

The Bush Administration was not sought out for comment because it wasn’t necessary as they would only deny it.

This report filed by the Barack Obama Associated Press.

Come on, you know it is going to happen soon…