Throw another shrimp on the barby
But not if you live in Britain, where Climate Panic™ is the default condition of Government Agencies.
But people who choose to burn charcoal may have to think twice - as councils now have swinging new powers to force homeowners to buy ‘carbon offsets’ before they light up or face a £50 fine.
I assume that’s meant to read ’swingeing’, but it’s the Daily Mail so be gentle.
The measures, which have been approved by the Climate Change Unit of the Department of Environment, Fisheries and Rural Affairs, are likely to severely curtail the number of barbecues Britons enjoy this summer.
The Climate Change Unit is right next to the Goblins, Leprechauns and Elves Unit. They share a fax machine.
Councils will approve barbecues only if the householder has bought a so-called carbon offset.
These should cost no more than £5 each and will allow sufficient barbecuing - as long as the cook is proficient - to create 20 steaks, or 40 if you like them rare.
I shi’ite you not, this story appears to have been lifted from The Onion.
Gases R Us spokeswoman Mindy Stevens said: “A carbon offset for barbecuing a steak will equate to a banana tree sapling in Indonesia. One for barbecuing half a dozen sausages would buy a third of a wind turbine for a peasant in Peru.”
I actually have a third of a wind turbine, quarter of a light water reactor and a fifth of a solar panel in my Cooling Bunker that I bought from Al Gore’s company.
Are these people aware of how absolutely farking ridiculous they sound? Barbecuing a steak will equate to a banana tree sapling in Indonesia?
When the wheels come of this idiotic hoax I will laugh and laugh, not that I’m not already!!!
Councils will appoint barbecue inspectors who will have the power to enter residents’ gardens and check whether any charcoal has been burnt.
The smell of burning, the remains of cooked burgers or a charred kebab stick will all be sufficient for them to apply on-the-spot fines of up to £50.
You could not make this shi’ite up! It actually gets better (remember, a journalist was paid to write this story).
A spokesman for B&Q said they were looking at producing new ‘green’ barbecues to cut down CO2 emissions.
One idea is to harness the warmth created by rotting compost, but these would require a chef to start cooking days in advance.
So-called ‘friction barbecues’ powered by a guest on a stationary exercise bike are also being examined.
LOL, this is absolutely farking insane, I am laughing my bollocks off.
But a spokesman for Defra was unrepentant. “Some people may think destroying the planet is a trivial matter but we must limit the selfish activities for the sake of our children,’ he said.
The new regulations take force today.
Thank God I don’t live in London any more. They have lost the plot, wholesale.
UPDATE: Maybe this is an April Fools joke. In which case I am a fool.
Lance says:
Thanks for finding & posting this Martin.
It’s exactly like an Onion article, except I guess it’s for real!! The parts that got me were,”…have the power to enter resident’s gardens (backyards) & check whether any charcoal has been burnt”, & “…apply on the spot fines of up to #50″ (apx $90). The kicker was the DEFRA spokesman, “…destroying the planet” & “…limit the selfish activities for the sake of our children.” Say ‘Hi’ to BIG BROTHER!! I think Blighty has become a lost cause!!
I wonder how many days before our local, county, state & federal gubimints try this. I can picture it now! Millions of patriotic americans strapping on their sixshooters to go barbecue some dead cow or pig; barbecue enforcement agents (BEAs)sneaking around trying to catch ‘em, neighborhood barbecue defense posses hunting ‘em down & stringing ‘em up. Like the old west!! Or the next civil war!!
Cheers, Barbeclueless Lance
saries says:
hahahha i love how you’ve taken this so seriously! its april fools day!! but they got you didn’t they!!!! :D
Martin says:
I think you’re right. It’s an April Fools!! Got me.
Fucking IDIOT!!!
Lance says:
saries, If your right, then I’ve been had, hook, line & sinker!!! Given all the crazy shi’ite the Brits have been doing for the last century or so, & especially since 9/11, this story seemed business as usual over in Blighty. So I may have been had by the best!! If Martin was here I’d buy him a Drink! I’m not gonna cop a plea that it was 1 AM, & I was tired, etc. For once in my short commenting life, I got in the 1st comment! Usually I’m the last comment after everybody’s moved on. Hope you enjoyed my naivete’ & gullibility!!
Cheers Carbon Credit Craving Lance
ak says:
Is this a joke? Sad thing is, it sounds perfectly plausible.
My first thought when I read it was, people in my ultra-liberal city neighborhood would have kittens if you told them they couldn’t barbeque every night. Or run their air conditioners from April to October, no matter what the temperature. Or drive their SUVs ten blocks to work because they can’t be bothered taking the bus that stops at our corner. That’s the inconvenient truth.
salfter says:
It’s not just the Brits…the Belgians are considering a BBQ tax. Nothing like paying extra to eat well. :eyeroll:
OMMAG says:
April’s fool joke …. or plausible continuation of the meddling bureaucratic mentality of British councils?
What do you expect from a country that requires a license to operate a TV or a radio? Who thinks that the post office is the appropriate body to regulate telecommunications?
Good God!