How to build a Secret Prison - Classified
- Posted by Martin on April 25th, 2006 filed in General, Islamofascism, Martin, Moonbats
1. Identify a European country suitable to host a secret prison. Ideally should be populated entirely with staunch supporters of President Bush, though if the body politic is overwhelmingly right-wing, the occasional stray liberal can be accommodated within the general population. Maybe Austria.
2. Identify a site within the country. Should be a location where a large bunker-like concrete structure within a huge barbed-wire compound can blend seamlessly into the local countryside.
3. Using secret CIA slush funds, known only to the staunchest right-wingers within the organization, purchase the site.
4. Assemble a design team composed entirely of organizations which hire only staunch conservatives. You will need to find at least eight – Architect, Civil Engineer, Structural Engineer, Mechanical Engineer, Geotechnical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Interior Designer, Landscape Architect, etc.
5. Secretly assemble the design team, and design the secret prison.
6. Hire a Construction Manager that employs only members of the Republican Party. Bechtel, Jacobs, Parsons Brinkerhoff or Fluor Daniel would work. Avoid KBR/Halliburton for obvious reasons (they have been infiltrated).
7. Call the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, Laborers’ International Union of North America, Sheet Metal Workers International Association, etc., ask to be put in contact with their Conservative Members Committee, and arrange for some supervision that won’t tell (Johnny Foreigner can’t read plans in inches, they use some bizarre metric nonsense).
8. Bid the work to Austrian sub-contractors, but only those that subscribe to the Bush Doctrine. A list of same can be obtained from the office of Jorge Haider.
9. Using channels that are peopled only by Bush acolytes that can be trusted with your life, arrange for water, power, sewer, phone and data connections. No secret prison would be complete without the internets.
10. Ensure all the field labour are reliable conservatives, who won’t pass on the location or even existence of the secret prison. This should be a straightforward task – ironworkers are known for their unwillingness to endorse any non-GOP electoral candidates.
11. Secretly carry out the construction work under cover of night, using only hand tools and horse drawn equipment.
12. You’re open for business. Good luck with your new venture.
Future CIA how-to guides will include “Targeted Assassinations using Unicorns” and “Getting Peak Performance From Your Surveillance Elves”.
Tags: Secret Prisons, Mary McCarthy, CIA, CIA Leak, Magic Carpets
MacStansbury.org » Blog Archive » Two things I wish I’d wrote says:
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The Conjecturer » Bad Idea Thursday: Secret Prisons says:
[...] I see the CIA has released its handy 12-Step program for building secret prisons. Along with that new WOPR simulation of global nuclear warfare, I feel like I have all the tools I need for neo-conservative fear-mongering. [...]