To answer a question
I was just asked in email from Cassandra,
And just how does one Suck Ass™?
Is a straw req’d? Or does one just politely purse the lips with a dainty pucker?
Enquiring minds want to know….
Sorry, Cassandra, but clearly you have no idea how to Suck Ass™. I’ve mastered the technique right here, so I’ll be happy to try to help.
How To Suck Ass™
1. Remove the entire right side of your brain. Discard with other medical waste.
2. Shi’ite out some nonsense. (That’s where the “ass” comes in). Occasionally, put up a rant about “things that suck.”
3. Suck up to other bloggers for links and traffic.
4. Realize that #3 is not working.
5. Say “farkit” and just phone it in with some pictures of crap from the internet.
6. Realize that #5 doesn’t work, so put up an open trackback post (yes, I’ll do another one).
7. Repeat Steps 2 - 6.
Hope that helps you some! :mrgreen:
Cassandra, snarking from the sidelines says:
Oh woman you are going to be SO sorry you did this…
heh.
tommy says:
Of all the things I never expected to see a how to guide for.
MacStansbury says:
Cool! all I have to do now is #6 and #7!
awesome!
Beth says:
Watch, this will probably end up one of the most-read/commented-upon posts at this cesspool of a blog.
Suck Ass™! :twisted:
Sigmund, Carl and Alfred says:
That was truly funny- another best selling ‘idiot’s guide’ in the making.
Might I suggest that every instance of ’suck-ass’ be accompanied by a beating?
basil's blog says:
Lunch: 8/26/2005
Try one of these specials with your lunch: Patterico reads Krugman’s correction. Sigmund, Carl and Alfred wants an honest discussion with the cut-n-runners. Phin finds that it’s a dirty job. Beth answers a question. Harvey (Bad Example version) speak…
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy » Blog Archive » “Phoning it in” (Step 5) says:
[...] it in” (Step 5)
[Thanks, Sacred Cow Burgers, for the opportunity to implement Step 5!] [...]
Ilyka Damen says:
Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Well
Conversely, anything worth screwing up is worth screwing up spectacularly….
TJ says:
Wait … is #3 wrong?
Janette says:
Janette says “As a strict disciple of Beth’s Suck Ass method of blogging I heartily recommend it as a way to kill your blog traffic. Follow her simple steps and you can be a fallen blogger just like me! Yes you too can go from having a site with a decent number of hits per day to being a blogger that spammers won’t even visit!”