Pointy-headed asshole of the week
Larry (mail) (www):
As a lawyer who rarely talks to non-lawyers, I find that attitudes of the lay people to be disgusting and simple-minded. Luckily, they don’t control anything.
But you, Professor Volokh, seem to love the lay people. You feign surprise when the lay people use loosely-defined terms and don’t even think about what they are saying. But, Professor Volkh, these people are the ones you have spent your public career pandering to, and for the most part you like it when they say oversimplified things that support your positions on guns and certain executive powers.
Of course you are right. The ACLU’s positions that are ultimately accepted by a court are the law, and are not frivolous. People could, if they wished amend the constitution. But this isn’t what the lay people care about. They care about deciding which soundbite to repeat, and your friends spend their time feeding soundbites to the lay people.
What a jerk. As I said there, I think Larry’s probably heard a few too many pointed (and in his case, probably entirely appropriate) lawyer jokes than his thin skin can take. Common sense, anyone?
Got any lawyer jokes? Leave them in the comments; maybe Leisure Suit Larry the Lawyer will find his way over here and cite case history as to why lawyer jokes are unconstitutional and sue me for it.
Soundbite this, Larry:
A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped.
The priest looks and the young boy, and reflecting back on his life, told the young boy to take the last parachute since he had already lived a wonderful and full life.
The boy replied, “You can have the other chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my bookbag!”
click to enlarge
Don says:
I wonder who Larry panders too. I bet it is a far sight worse than us lowly “lay” people.
Hey, Larry, I bet I am smarter than you! Nanny nanny boo boo.
That’ll piss him off.
Mad Dog Vinnie says:
I was going to comment, but the Reagan nipples keep distracting me.
Nikki says:
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
Jeff H says:
Q. What’s the difference between a flounder and a scum sucking bottom dweller?
A. One’s a fish, the other’s a lawyer.
mark maness says:
What’s the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn’t think he’s an attorney.
oregano says:
A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um…no.”
“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted.
” . . . or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea . . .”
“So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
bill says:
He simply proves how the leftist lawyers view the ‘courts and lawyers’ vs the rest of the country. They think they are the elite legislature, the rest of us, well we just try to get through the day and not use book bags for parachutes :mrgreen:
I know a few lawyers, friends of mine, not all are stuck up, but most don’t know how to talk to ‘regular people’. I think they teach it in law school. They also look down on lawyers who do, something about betraying the professional secrets or some such rot gut.
Frankly I am surprised how many lawyers freely blog. I hope they continue.
Jay says:
I really appreciate the defense Beth. I owe you one.
cranky says:
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
D. Carter says:
1) You’re trapped in a cage with a gorilla, a tiger and a lawyer. You have a revolver with only two bullets in it. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer - twice.
2) What do you call 50 lawyers at the bottom of a lake?
A good start.
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy » Blog Archive » The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly says:
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oregano says:
90% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.