White Trash Wednesday 15 — Write a Letter
- Posted by Beth on May 4th, 2005 filed in General, Politics, White Trash Wednesday
Here’s a good sample letter for the TPD Monmouth Voter Project!
heeeheee
Dear Mr. Editor,
I was over at the God the Father Holy Thunder Chapel in Transylvania County for our Friday nite prayer meeting last nite, and Reverend Klyde preached awhile to the congregation about this Righteous Voter Outreach thing us Holy Thunderers have got up with fellow Christian Democrats and Bush supporters around the world (the reverend said yall was really Anglicans, but he was just joking I think).
Now, I was there mostly for holy-rolling and to practice conversational Aramaic, so I didn’t think much about it until after the second singing of “Onward Christian Soldier” and I took the Communion. The reverend handed me my helpings of His flesh and blood (don’t know how yall do it what with St. Patrick and all, but Holy Thunder uses baby vipers for His flesh and those little plastic pill cups full of Mogen David with just a tetch of arsenic for an extra kick in His blood).
Anyways, those dang copperheads get sorta ornery about now (late April is rutting season for yearling serpents in these parts), so’s whilst I was chugging down my cup-o-blood (pinky finger elegantly extended to clasp the cup) and before I could snap off the head, the little booger whupped around and clamped his jaws right down on the aforementioned extended member. Them tiny needle-sharp fangs sure do pack a wallop! I still managed to dance through “Shall We Gather”, but I don’t recollect much from the prayer meeting after that. I’m thinking a couple of widows from the Ladies’ Auxiliary probably just loaded me in one of their pickup trucks and hauled me home so I could sleep it off.
Well, when I woke up the next morning my pinky was all swole and purple just like a cob of that injun corn Lester grows to sell to the tourists for decorating, and my head felt like it would plum split. But my sole was truley filled with a sense of wonder and joy, for I had done had me a Holy vision during a nite of fitful repose.
Yes! She had appeared to me like in a dream. Her majesty, Lady Thatcher, once again wearing her gold crown and weilding a royal skeptre. And I new right then and their that Jesus was telling me that She was the future of righteous English politics, and that I had to share His vision of Englands’ born again glory with you, a informed voter of that country.
So I’m asking you to please peer deep down inside your sole, and vote the way I’m telling you Jesus told me to tell you to vote (he means for Lady Thatcher).
Forever yours in Jesus,
Klyde, Jr.
p.s. He said whatever you do - don’t vote for that Camilla woman. She wears those danged ugly hats to cover the horns.
Extracted from: Klyde, Jr. at April 30, 2005 02:33 PM
Send your letters HERE.
Trashy blogs:
Jay says:
Up in the mountains of Alabama, my cousin Jed’s friend Dubob really does go to a Church where they handle snakes. My Uncle Lucian has the power of healing warts. He just rubs the wart and prays over it, and it is gone within a week! Jed fights c*cks for a livin, and sells dope. I wish this were a fabrication, but sadly its true.
Rightwingsparkle says:
Beth, I want to be a trashy blogger. Add me please!!!!!!!!!1
SADIE LOU!!! says:
BEULLAH MAE!!!!!!! THATS A GOOOOD WRITIN. HOW DO I LURN TO WRIT LIKE THAT???
Ray Dawn says:
BEULLAH MAE!!! You ain’t been over to my trailer so I had to come here you good fer nothing cuzin!! I gots that Lita Ford tape that you said you never stole from Sadie Lou! It’s right where you left it - in that Avon bag with the Spam and the National Inquierer with that photo of Paris Hilton you like so much! I want it outta my place - gotta make room for Boxcar Willie tapes, dammit!