2004 April | MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Archive for April, 2004

What, you want to know more? Why?
OK, here’s a start for now.

I’m 38, and I’m retired (medically) from the USAF. I served from June 85 - December 96, and you can find out more about THAT here and here. And if you plan on tossing out that dumb farking “chickenhawk” line, I suggest you read first.

I’m addicted to Diet Coke.

I need to quit smoking…again. But not yet.

The funniest person I know is my mother.

The most incredible anything on Earth is my daughter, born December 21, 1998. She really is REALLY smart AND beautiful AND loving, and that’s not just mommy bias! I love her more than ANYTHING in the universe, “to infinity and beyond!” (as we always say to each other).

I had cancer, but it’s gone. :-D

I have a serious problem with too much stuff, not enough house.

I hate the outdoors. Bugs and dirt, y’know.

If I were President, I’d be just like W. Take no shi’ite, fear nothing, do what’s RIGHT instead of taking a freaking poll to make decisions.

I really do go crazy about bad grammar and spelling. Always have.

Although I wouldn’t have believed it ten years ago when I didn’t live in Mobile, I know now that I live in the BEST place in the world.

I wish I could be an astronaut. Seriously.

Or a neuropsychologist. Or a neurosurgeon. (But I don’t think I’m up for that much school now.)

I’m lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom even though I’m divorced! (I’m not rich, I’m just smart with what I’ve got, but I could easily be smarter about it.)

My ex and I actually get along now. Go figure. (Maybe it’s the 1000 miles separating us.)

I LOVE art and music, but I have zero talent in either.

I never, ever, back away from a challenge. Cancer will do that to you.

So don’t fark with me.

I have a weakness for books, shoes, clothes, makeup, and perfume.

I will accept gifts!

It’s better to be a smart-ass than a dumbass.

I know now that I shouldn’t have my opinion on that so obvious to my daughter!

My family (parents & siblings) is crazy, but in a GOOD way.

I swear. A farking lot.

My mama goes crazy because I swear too much and I drink my Diet Cokes out of a can. (It’s not a Southern girl thing to do.)

I get Nigerian spam. Why??? Who signed me up on THAT list?

I have about twenty magazine subscriptions, most of which are never read and occasionally get boxed up and handed off to doctors’ offices.

Doctors’ offices that I haven’t given to ALWAYS have shi’ite for reading material. WHY?

My youngest brother lives in my back yard! (In a studio apartment/mother-in-law suite thing, not IN the yard.) He takes my Diet Cokes and forgets to drag the garbage out to the street for me, for which I’m going to tell my mom and dad on him. Brat. :-P

My youngest brother lives in my back yard, but I still end up paying someone to cut the grass every two weeks.

I have two cats–Lucy is the best cat ever, a Siamese; Sally is a lardass that’s afraid of everything except my daughter, who gets away with anything with that cat.

I wish I had a dog. More specifically, my parents’ Golden Retriever, Luke, the Best Animal on Earth.

I love ice cream, chocolate, and those Valentine conversation hearts.

Fruit is disgusting to me, except for apples.

I like a couple of vegetables. Sometimes.

In other words, I have the worst eating habits you can imagine (my daughter doesn’t though, so don’t go calling the social workers on me).

I really, really, really hate alarm clocks–but for a night owl like me, they’re a necessary EEEEEVIL.

I should be asleep right now as I write this. Oh well, farkit.

What the fark did we do before the internet when it came time for Christmas shopping, anyway? I think I might have been one of the first Amazon.com shoppers. You can thank me if you’ve made money on Amazon or eBay stock.

That’s it for now, because I really DO need to go to sleep. I’ll probably change this 100 times as time goes on,
anyway.

Beth
11/24/04